Growing up I have always been called dumb, stupid, slow, retarded, etc. nobody took the time or patience to teach me things most things I have had to learn in my own I’m a slow learner idk why I just am that way I guess but because of this I am traumatized to even ask questions because instead of helping they just call me dumb an get mad because I don’t know certain things.

My teacher told the class that I was stupid an that I’m not good at taking tests while I was using the restroom. My ex bf called me idiot all the time it stupid for things that I guess I should know wether it be about technology or something that apparently is easy but for me isn’t. My adoptive mom embarrassed me when I was younger infront of my friend while we were doing homework an made me stand there while screaming at me the answer repeatedly in my face because I didn’t know the math problem an called me fucken retarded. My current bf tells me am I really that dumb like wtf when I ask his help with something on the phone like how to do hotspot. I only ask questions i genuinely don’t know an being called dumb triggers me so much I can’t help that I am slow or don’t know certain things I have had to teach myself mostly everything because of how many times someone has embarrassed me an called me dumb truly it hurts my feelings a lot an it shouldn’t you would think I would be used to it by now but here I am crying in the bathroom 28 years old cause my bf called me dumb for asking a “ simple” question. I never raised my hand in class for help growing up , I’m scared to ask questions when I work I feel like I’m to stupid to do anything so I always fear new jobs that I am not like most people. My old boss when I was 17 told everyone at the meeting that I was to slow to learn the cash register ordering menu like when you push for things when people order it’s all abbreviated an then they they changed the menu completely when I was in “training” she just made me stand there alone an try an memorize the menu on the register I stood there for 2 days looking at a menu with no help trying to figure out what they meant an what button to push when people get ordered I tried to pretend an give myself scenarios but I learned a little but not all of it I was only there 1 month before I left to cosmetology school thankfully tbh. I am a hands on learner an I can’t focus most the time only 2 teachers in my entire life have actually helped me an was patient enough with me until I actually got it an they didn’t get mad at me or call me names like everybody else does. I know I’m not smart like normal people I know that basic things that I should know take longer for me to grasp. I’m very good at writing though and spelling since most my life I kept journals an would write stories an poems to get me through life instead of self harm an suicide. I wish I was different I wish I was smarter an could pick things up as quickly as everyone else. I sound like a cry baby though I realize that crying over being called a silly little word like “dumb” but words really are powerful an have after effects an people don’t see that words can hurt just as much as physical pain.