my bf went out tonight for his work’s Christmas party (he works for a sales company so they have crazy events w/ heavy drinking). Some of his friends live in the city so they met him afterwards and went out to another bar/club. I don’t mind when he goes out I just like to be updated every so often- like if he is leaving or going somewhere I just feel more comfortable knowing that (is that too much?).

But tonight every time he must’ve picked up his phone he texted me “I love you” along with some jibberish which is sweet and all but I could tell he is belligerently drunk.

I saw one of his friends posted a video on their story of him falling over on a city bike in the streets of Manhattan, in his brand new suit he bought this week. It’s raining so the streets are wet and it’s a grey suit so it appears to be ruined. I just find it such a turn off that someone can get so drunk to be that irresponsible. I know it happens (me being the biggest culprit!) but I just get worried bc if he’s that drunk and practically falling over how can I rely on him (to be safe for himself, to be loyal, to update me periodically like I had hoped).

I don’t know whether I should tell him that I think that behavior is a turn off or just leave it. He always tells me about his nights and I don’t want him to stop sharing those stories bc he thinks I am appalled and turned off. I value the communication and transparency we have with each other. And there probably won’t be many other times where this type of night will repeat because usually we go out together - this just happened to be a work event that turned into a night out.

I honestly think part of the reason I feel this way is just fear of the unknown. I hate having to wonder what he’s doing and if he’s okay. I trust him but it still makes me worried when I have zero clue where he is or what’s going on.

Sorry for the long post I have no one else to vent to and this is a nice outlet.