I know there is a Vent/Rant group but this is pregnancy related and if anyone want to give feedback I’d rather it be someone who’s also pregnant not just some random person.

Ok so I’m 14 weeks pregnant, not my first baby, and both me and baby are low risk. I’m trying to find a midwife so I can have a home birth. I found one but I couldn’t work with her prices. Shes $4500 and wanted $500 at the first appointment and then paid in full by 36 weeks so I would have to figure out how to come up with $4,000 in 22 weeks and that’s roughly $730 a month. I really can’t afford that. I contacted another midwife which I could afford but she’ll be out of town in mid June so she’s not taking any June clients. I contacted a third midwife today and left a voicemail so I’m waiting to hear back from her. I also took into consideration the birth center but they are $6500 for a birth, $$1850 due at the first appointment and $425 for 12 months. Like I can do the $425, $400 was my limit but I can squeeze in another $25. The problem with the birth center is the $1850- I mean I’m sitting here wondering how the f can people actually pay that? Technically it’s not impossible, I could pay it with the tax return but we get the tax return around the first week of February usually (last year we got it the last week of January) so I would be 20-24 weeks at my first appointment which I honestly don’t mind BUT ALSO I’m not sure how much we’re getting for the tax return this year. So with all that I don’t want to bank on the birth center, wait until 22 weeks pregnant, and then be left with no options. I know a lot of people are doing hospital births, that’s fine, but it’s not for me. I’ve only ever had horrible experiences in hospitals and one was so traumatic that I now have PTSD from the trauma. I’m literally terrified of having my baby on the hospital. The thought of having a hospital birth is not only increasing my anxiety but I’m starting to feel depressed. Aside from my mental health, there’s other reasons why I don’t want a hospital birth. The drive. On a good day it’s an hour drive and in June it’s the start of monsoon season so there’s a very high probability of rain and with rain I’m looking at an hour and a half drive to the hospital and where I live there’s also a probability of them shutting down the roads due to flooding if the rains are bad enough so now I’m looking at a 2 or more hour drive to the hospital.

I am so sorry this was really long, I just needed to get it out. It’s been weighing on my mind today. 6 months isn’t that far away and I feel like I have zero time to figure everything out before my baby comes. I seriously wish my only stressor was baby names.

Thanks for letting me get this one.