Growing up we had a very tight knit family and Christmas was a huge family gathering over multiple days and it was full of love. Grown up now with my own kids I'm exhausted from the family drama, family taking sides, most not even showing up. It's my sibling's first year hosting so I'm trying to do everything in my power to pick up elderly relatives and cook and make all the necessary phone calls to put out drama fires beforehand. I get repeatedly told people love me and therfore put up with things from others out of love for me but they can't put differences aside for Christmas. I know the disappointment is going to hurt my mom and my sibling when the turnout is so low and I'm trying to manage expectations they have of others.

The last two years in our country have really split my family up. I'm actually heart broken. People who I thought could never be torn apart are. Between politics, a pandemic, conflicts of race beliefs, and faith. I am just disappointed in my family and I can understand how our country is such a mess if my own family can't figure it out how can strangers.

I guess I know what I need to pray about this new year.