I've only given love to my ex bf when we were together, but he was suicidal, he would stonewall me, he would post things on my entire family group chat about how he doesn't want to participate in things because he doesnt feel good and then he leaves the group chat, he would call me a monster but could never give evidence of me being mean to him, he would be rude by telling me to go away and make me believe that we broke up then come back the next day saying he doesnt mean it.

we broke up with the intention of getting back together later when he is emotionally well again and no longer suicidal.

after we broke up, he did some not great things to me: he told me that his whole family was upset with me when I asked him about this video that his sister and cousin posted about unconditional love and boundaries. his sister and mom apologized to me on his behalf and assured that they were not upset and that they love me and that my ex bf is emotionally unstable. they said he is having a warped view of what people are actually saying. but for the week before his sister and mom apologized, I ended up getting an eating disorder that I am still recovering from (eating only 600 or less calories a day) because I was so depressed and shocked of how he would paint me as a monster to his entire family. I immediately thought that his whole family was trying to bully me online until his mom and sister came out to apologize.

he met up with me at church and gave me gifts and things. and he apologized for what he did, and I told him what I gone through since he told me that his whole family was upset with me. he said he never painted me as a monster to his family and that they still love me. after a while of talking, I told him I forgive him and he explained how he is happier and at peace now. I said that I am happy for him and the conversation was happy and lighter, just catching up and making jokes. we were also excited to still do the things that we planned together when we were still together. I told him as a flirty thing: hey if you want to make it up to me, take me out to dinner. he said yes and we set up a date a week after.

we go on the date, and he is nervous but great so far. he says he is nervous because he wants to make it up to me. I immediately say: you know that what I said about making it up to me is a joke -- of couse i would never ask you to make it up to me, I just wanted to spend time with you. all of a sudden, he got really sad and was crying a bit in the restaurant because I said it was a joke.

we ended up talking about it and he said he was hurt that I said it was a joke. tbh I was hella confused. I told him, arent you glad that I dont expect anything from you and that I just wanted to spend time with you? all he kept on saying was that he was hurt and so I apologized but he just acted really sad and kept on saying he was hurt and that he took what i said about "making it up to me" seriously. I honestly didnt get it so i started trying to figure out why he might be hurt by asking him was it because of thiss... or this..? he didnt communicate and would just say "well why dont you figure it out." then he said i cant do this anymore and he wants to go home.

I got frustrated and so i told him that that is rude and tried to explain how it was a flirty thing and that it was a joke, and that i would never expect anything from him because I have already forgiven him a long time ago and that i just want to spend time together. after an couple of hours, he finally understood that I meant no harm and he stopped being sad.and apologized. I was already so stressed from work and recovering from my eating disorder that I just couldnt take the stress and had an anxiety attack in the car and started crying.

he took me home and was acting all coupley towards me but i honestly feel like i wanted to die just being around him. i treated him kindly after he brought me home.

was i in the wrong by saying "making it up to me" was a joke? should i cut contact with him for good?

EDIT: some people are thinking that i didnt want to have dinner with him, I did! I already forgave him and actually wanted to make things right because I do want a longterm relationship with him in the future which is why I couldnt understand why he was upset. I have explained this multiple times with him