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I mean think of it from their view. You wanna air out your dirty laundry to every kid you have and their SO. If the BIL already knew then that’s why he’s included. Or closer than they are with him over you. If it’s a private conversation it’s private let him tell you later about it. I see no problem with it tbh. If my husband was like this rolls reversed I’d ask why does he need to know that exact minute? You’ll find out later and my parents are only comfortable telling me. Why is that a problem ? But the whispering infront of you isn’t nice at all. Do that shit on their own 1 on 1 time or a damn phone call. Not leaving you sitting there awkwardly.
It’s weird right??
So a few months ago my FIL called a family meeting. They said just for immediate family which is fine. My husband got there and his sisters husband was sitting there so he was like well why isn’t my wife here? And they said oh because he already kinda knows. Anyways my FIL then proceeded to tell his kids that he had been having multiple affairs over the last few months and that he had also started doing drugs. They’d decided to stay together and wanted like “the support of the family” while working through things and him getting clean and whatnot. Anyways fast forward and I’ve noticed that my MIL is always pulling my husband into hushed conversations whenever we’re over. She’s never actually had a meaningful conversation with me, like she talks about the neighbors dogs and the kids who live 10 houses down and everyone in between but has never actually like sat and talked to me, Anyways Like it could just be the three of us in a room and she will start like whispering to my husband as if I’m not there and as if he isn’t going to talk to me later 🤷♀️ my FIL does the same but will tell my husband to like come look at this over here and then he will sit and have like a “private” conversation with my husband. I think it’s super weird my BIL was allowed over for their conversation but then they act as if I don’t know anything about it and then will talk to my husband about things in whispers. It’s weird right?? Like we have no secrets between us so why would they think that he’s not going to tell me his dad is cheating on his mom?? And drugs besides?? That flipping rocked his world and we support each other through everything, why should he hide that from me?? Am I crazy??
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Why hasn't your husband told his parents that when a family meeting is called his wife is to be involved too because he will tell you anyways. Why is he continuing to go along with the hushed, private conversations instead of saying "whatever you need to talk to me about you can say it in front of my wife.". It's INCREDIBLY rude to have hushed, private conversations and exclude you when you're right in the same room. If I were you I'd stop going there, I don't support cheaters AND my husband wouldn't keep going around people who whisper around me to exclude me from the conversation. My husband would make it known that I'm included or there's no conversation to be had. 🤷🏻♀️Yes this is very weird and your husband has just as much a part to play in this if he won't make it known that you're not to be excluded when you go there.
My in laws are closer to my SIL's husband than they are with me. It happens. It's not that they have something against me per se, but we have more like a comfortable polite aquaintanceship than a close relationship. I think because my SIL is the woman and is close with her mom, so they (she and her husband) just engage differently and more frequently than my husband does, and therefore Im not as close with them either. Also, as 2 men, maybe your FIL has a different dynamic with him, and felt he could be more open with him than he felt he could be with you. So the meeting was immediate family plus him, who he feels comfortable with. This family meeting wasnt a social event, it was about him coming out and sharing/confessing his struggles, thats a very vulnerable thing to do and he gets to decide who hes comfortable disclosing that to vs considering family politics eg possibly offending you. The whispering in front of you is a bit rude. I totally get that she may want private conversations with him. My MIL has private conversations with my husband and ne with my family especially about family struggles. Doing it right in front of you is a bit much and perhaps they can handle that by phone instead.
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