I have been friends with Ella and Sarah since we met in highschool. We have been good friends. While we have been friends for so long, I never really felt comfortable coming to them for my vulnerable moments. I have went through a lot without them knowing. I have always been there for them whenever they needed me and in ways I could be a better friend.

Over the years, they have referred to me as their best friend. Which I was in agreement because I have always had a lot of love for them. They were supportive, funny, and great company always. I moved away to a different city for a bit but I always managed to see them on the regular. Despite the busy schedule. I enjoyed their company and I didn't share the bad parts of my life. I think partly because I didnt feel welcome to share that part of me and i felt that they would just laugh it off. Overall, we have always had a good friendship and supported each other.

The trouble began last year. Over some time, I started to feel excluded and felt that they didn't treat me the same. I noticed this by the love and effort that was put between themselves vs. me. As an example, I always put so much effort, love and money (more than I could afford at times) into presents and making their birthdays special. It was always equal for the both of them. Then I noticed the effort put into me. For each other they were extravagant but when it came to me - they were broke. I am not materialistic and could care less about the presents or efforts but it was the difference of treatment that began to break me down. I didn't notice it at first because I was always so busy with other things that I didnt care to pay attention. Over time, life slowed down (esp. During COVID era) and it became more apparent. I was upset but coming to terms with it slowly.

Some time ago, I had the worse depressive episode. In the past I have always dealt with it alone and suffered in silence through the pain I felt. This time it was bad and I couldn't hide it. I was pretty much forced into medical attention at this point. My family reached out to Ella and Sarah for support because they were confused and they knew we're so close that they may be helpful. I'll be honest, they were supportive and caring. I truly appreciate their kindness during that time. Now is when the troubles began to stir. Ella is a healthcare worker in a hospital and she pretty much encouraged my family into medicating me (higher doses than prescribed) without my knowledge and force things onto me. Firstly, that is dangerous - I wasn't aware of this until later and I suffered terrible side effects. Then WTF, wtf is medical ethics here? I'm still mad about this. Who does that? I confronted her and told her I didnt appreciate this and the consequences of this are dangerous. She didnt really acknowledge it but responded with attitude. Ella can be aggressive when something doesn't agree with her. Then on top, she would always make snarky remarks. I was unemployed while I was sick and in a deep empty depression. Ella made comments that hurt. They were usually on things like oh you dint have a job, can't relate to you being broke, etc. I think she thought that she was being funny. But they were aggressive, rude, and left some damage.  Again, whenever I confront I am met with someone who thinks I am against them. When I was just trying to fix the problem.

Slowly this hurt built up. I noticed that they began to treat me differently. I felt like they were treating me like I am insignificant. You know the usual stigma when you open up about your mental health and suddenly you're a different person in others eyes. I was being ignored and treated differently. My broking point was a few months back. Ella wanted to go out, I agreed to go with her. But she cancelled the plans because Sarah wasn't going. Then, 2 days later they both decided to proceed with the plans. They told me the night before. I felt like an extra and that my time wasn't being respected. I have always accommodated well to time but this hit a nerve. I politely explained that I would be sitting this one out because it wasn't fair to me. I never assumed their schedules and always planned ahead of time with them. It was a boundary cross and one that I had discussed with them before. Also - why was it suddenly okay to go with Sarah but not me? What was wrong with me? Okay, no big deal. That's fine. Fast forward some time. Apparantly, they had planned a trip together. They never told me they were planning it and after they had planned it all out they reached out by text to invite me. Again, like I'm an extra side piece. I am never involved in planning these trips or events. I felt disregarded. Also - this was my birthday week. So it was just the cherry on top. They both texted me ONCE. Sarah called me ONCE. I missed these because I was away from my phone. I didn't bother to reply because I was upset and I was curious if they really cared that I went with them. They did not. They invited me to state that they had. No one checked in with me again - they didn't even bother to know if it was a yes or no. This hit HARD. Mainly because I would have never excluded either one of them. When I couldn't reach them, I'd text and call multiple times until I knew if it was a yes or no. This didn't happen when the tables reversed. The disrespect in these actions was loud. I decided to just go silent and go about my life. It was my birthday, I should enjoy it. Especially after one of the hardest years of my life. They texted me HBD, again I didn't respond because I was curious in the effort that was being placed into me. That's it, no one ever reached out again. They didn't even ask me what was wrong and why I am behaving this way. Yes - I could have initiated this discussion. In the past, I've been met with aggression and I didn't have the energy for it. Also - I was interested in knowing how much I matter to them. I was tired of being naive and nicer than I needed to be. Its tiring when you give so much to others and they can't even return a portion of it. Anyways, we just never spoke again.

Recently, it looks like they have cut all ties off with me by blocking me from everywhere. It was an easy notice. It hurt, it feels like a huge loss. I think I'm more upset on the energy I invested only to be met with this in the end. This is a friendship I never thought would come to an end. I know that this is how life goes sometimes, and I will make peace with it over time.

Also wanted to add that in the past I was always chasing after them while they ignored me. It would be me calling multiple times and texting. I grew tired the last few months and shut off as well. Also they barely made an effort to reach out. Not once tbh. This spoke volumes. When I treated them the same way that they did, I'm completely cut off. I'm disappointed, hurt, and sad. I know I'll be okay over time but I dont know how to process this. I cant cry, be mad, I'm just in pure shock. Any advise?