Is it ok to ask a new partner to step in?

Question

My son his dad and I split 5 years ago divorced 2 years ago. I then have a daughter and son by another man and one on the way again. My question is. I've got trouble with my ex husband he has 20% care but he's told me he's not coming new years and has a passport to go back home and he's leaving for 2 months. It's really hurting me to have to see Connor and his face if I say it's Sunday but daddy is not coming. The thing about the overseas trip well every fight we had is when he'd threaten to leave and leave me with Connor. So it is guaranteed to happen  now. How can I deal with my first born and his father. Our agreement we agreed with no court now he's not fulfilling. And I wanted to know since I've had a guy for over 2 years now can he step in.. I mean no one is his father.. but..

Accepted Answer

You agreed no court and he agrees to be there..he isn't holding up his end so take him right to court

Answer

I wouldn't force your partner to step in if he isn't comfortable with it yet. That's a huge role to take on.

Answer

I’ll keep it simple take the father of your children to court and sort out the custody arrangements he is not holding up his end of the deal 
Time to get serious
As for you married partner that’s a whole other mess you need to evaluate and decide why your with someone who has three different baby mommas 5 other kids and now you want him to step in with yours 
Sounds far to messy and complicated for me

Answer

Why would you want anything to do with a man with 3 other baby moms who’s still married? And most importantly, why would you think it’s ok to expose your child to this man when this is clearly an unstable relationship? No this man should not have anything to do with your son and you need to leave him alone completely. Exposing your son to another unstable man after his father leaves him would be a terrible thing to do.

Answer

You've been with this man for 2 years already and he hasn't stepped in on his own? If it's been 2 years and he hasn't already then that's a whole different issue. However, your question. No, you can NOT ask a new partner to just step in to fill the father role of someone else's kid. That is a HUGE responsibility and commitment and should not be thrown around as a backup plan just because your kid's real father has decided to dip out. Now, if your new man actually already treats your son as his own and has been filling that role the past 2 years then that's a little different. But waiting until your ex decides to leave the country for 2 months is a huge no. 
As for the custody, if he's already only got 20% and willingly leaving his son for 2 months after threatening to do so, document EVERYTHING and take him to court. Have the 20% stripped and put him on child support.

Answer

This sounds like a train wreck & doesn’t make much sense. Take him/them to court. If they leave then that sucks, but it is what it is. Another man can’t adopt your child unless the biological one signs his rights away, but he can obviously play a step parent role. Hopefully that covers everything

Answer

This is how majority of my trauma came into play. Don't let people play Dad.

Answer

He has violated the agreement.  Go to court.

Answer

You can’t force the child’s father to be a father. Stop fighting him or expecting him to change. 
If your current partner is in your child’s he should have a relationship with your child already. Taking a father role is up to what you see for your future. If it’s marriage and living together I’d expect him to be taking a parental role already.

Answer

Just take him to court to set things in place so he will have to honor them. And you should never ask your partner to step in, it should be automatic (when they feel comfortable to do so). If your new partner did not already step in to "fulfill" the role of bonus Dad then I wouldn't be asking him to now. That should come from oneself.

Is it ok to ask a new partner to step in?

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