Is this really why it’s called ‘terrible twos’?!

Question

Soo my toddler just turned two in September and since turning around 15 months old she has changed soo much! Sje was such a good baby soo we all thought she would be growing up too but honestly her habits are really hard to control 
I get judged sooo much by family members I’m getting really upset over it I know she’s only a child but I want to keep her happy 
She’s always crying and smacking her head with toys 
She throws stuff when she gets angry 
She gets angry over EVERYTHING I can’t wash her face I can’t dress her she hates a lot of clothing items like socks she hates socks her feet get cold and I worry  she hates wearing jackets and gloves it snowing outside! She won’t let her dummy out if sight she slaps me throws things at me she hates being in the car seat she screams and yells has tantrums EVERYWHERE! She doesn’t eat her food most of the time I have to stand or sit for 2-3 hours just distracting her soo she can eat 
just want her to be happy  all family members say I have spoilt her too much since she was a baby (she is my first and we conceived her after 4 long hard years) 
I’m genuinely asking for some real advice from mums as I’m a first time mum 
The only person who she listens to is her nursery teacher who believes in ‘discipline’ she’s really nice but she is very stern and lets the children ‘cry it out’ 
I have tried alot if things including ignoring her for example when she cries and hits me because her sleeve won’t roll up the way she likes 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ 
It’s just hard to take her to family houses too as I know she will be called ‘the bad naughty one’ ‘loud one’ ‘what’s wrong with her” list goes on 
It just makes me angry when they pick on her I know her habits are really bad compared to the other kids in family but I’m her mother I hate people saying such stuff! Please share you’re experiences thanks

Answer

It is what it is. If you don’t want to change how you parent (spoiling her, giving in to her whims) then yes when you take her out you’re going to have to deal with ppls reactions to her behavior. Everyone calls my kids crazy, loud, etc. I wouldn’t call them spoiled; they’re just high energy. Constantly moving and doing activities but also advanced in reading and math (my two older boys are 8 and 6 years old). I could care less with what others have to say. In the long run I know my children will be the leaders of companies or hospitals (what ever they choose). They were not born to follow the rules or sit quietly.  They’re adventurers, explorers, and wanderers

Answer

My daughter has a lot of anger too where as her cousins same exact ages don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I have one daughter after 5 years of infertility. She just turned three on December 14th. Sometimes I worry I spoil her as well but I think that comes with societal norms perpetuating this thought process. If she cries I pick her up. I’m here to nurture her and make her feel safe. On the other hand I believe in boundaries. I focus on our family values-speak respectfully, honor bodies and love well.
If Sophie decides she doesn’t want wear a coat 🤷‍♀️ she will when she gets cold and I will always carry it with me. If Sophie hits because she’s angry she has to go in a time out. You hurt my body and my feelings so here’s the consequence. Now she tends to then cry and ask to be held in time out and I do do that. I read once “kids were born with the ability to feel everything we do. They were born to process those feelings that’s where we come in.” I have to teach her it’s ok and normal to be angry it’s how we are angry that matters. We talk a lot about emotions. I also loved the book Hunt, Gather, Parent-terrific read. I encourage Soph to work around the house with me so she feels a sense of contribution to the household. Another thing my husband and I do is we want to build a foundation of trust when we tell her “no”. “Mommy and Daddy don’t say no because it’s fun. We say no for your safety or for your health.” 
“No you can’t have only have a cookie for lunch because it’s not a food that fuels your body…here are a few options.”
“No you can’t walk in the parking lot by yourself because cars won’t be able to see you which is why I carry you, however, I will let you walk in the store beside me.” 
Communication and treating them like people has been really wonderful parenting tools for us. She needs to know the expectations and what will be happening that day.

Answer

She needs discipline and you need to win the battles or she'll walk all over you. You're more worried that she's happy, but should keep in mind that she needs to be raised to be an adult that can survive in life. Life has consequences, disappointment, joy, love, hard work, doing things you don't feel like doing because they have to be done etc. I just started reading Toddler 411 and it has good info on discipline so far. When my friend's daughter was a toddler a few years ago she refused to brush her teeth or let her mom brush her teeth. they sat in the bathroom for 6 hours and she canceled everything that day until the kid brushed her teeth. That's how you win the battles. Hopefully it doesn't take that long LOL.

Is this really why it’s called ‘terrible twos’?!

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