S.O. Died..Got Some news and additl stresses

Idk where or how this story will continue..but, my bf passed away on Friday Jan 13th of this year while I was at work. He got in a car accident. Someone hit him on the driver side. They say he ran a red light but I don't believe it. The weather had some areas of black ice so I could believe him trying to stop and instead slid at the red light. I found out next morning from friends and family that he did die. I've been struggling to believe it and process it over the next several days.

Work made me go in despite the news but then allowed me to leave 1 shift early to deal with it and take care of things. When his family and I packed his belongings they shared with me that he wanted to marry me (shared info before he died). This man was always against or scared of the idea for many reasons while battling his mental health with a strong medical and familial suppprt system. This was a big deal to hear knowing how he felt from previous conversations. Going from no, to maybe one day, to yes..? I'm at a loss for words. We were so together and happy, he told his family he fell hard for me that he thought I was the one..and then he dies via car crash?!

Why..what purpose or lesson is to be learned from this? I lost by best friend, The guy who always called me beautidul..who made me laugh every single day..regardless if it was a good or bad day... How could I ever love so deeply like that again. I'm going on 35yrs old this year. The last thing I wanted to do was start over.

Before his death we already planned on my move from out of town, to living in his town for a new job opportunity, be closer to him, things nearby to see and do..closer friends etc.. I've had to deal with the sexist drama of his landlord when I was offered to carryout the rest of my bfs lease by his roomate he was close with who was like a brother to us. Too much negative has surfaced from the paranoid and rude landlord for literally no reason who was well aware of my bfs recent death.. I was raised a problem solver..so when the landlord wouldnt take my money yet continued to be an asshat to me...I couldnt take the abuse and changed my mind and refused to sign the lease for his wishy washy treatment, because of me being a woman..and his stalking me as of recent.

So, I've been struggling to cope, process, and help out while also doing all my appointments for the new job stuff and its all so draining.. I'm doing all that I'm supposed to but for what... I told my bfs family that to hear of the news of wanting to marry me was a big thing and a blessing as well as gaining another family...but it still hurt. My family had gotten to know him several months and were going to meet him in person this spring... I'm at a loss for words..crying on/off to no avail. Still, I plan to carry out my move. I don't want to run away from all of our good memories in his town. Its just hard..and harder to know he had a surprise for me this year already..and the year only started... How does one "bounce back"?