It was years ago…. And I made the tough decision to have an abortion and no one knew I was getting it….

Took an Uber… to planned parenthood, I was too far along for the pills, 11 weeks… and so I did the surgical D&C one… um…

Because I didn’t have a “support person” they couldn’t give me any of the sedating/calming medicine…. I ended up being sort of held down by two nurses while the doctor did his thing…

It was so painful and horrible and I had this instant regret but I knew I made the right choice…? I just cried in the recovery chairs…. With these other girls who…. Were half awake because they got the sedatives because they had a support person…

That’s the thing people don’t understand about abortion…. It wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy. This was almost six years ago…. I have dreams about… 😣 children? (It varies in age and gender each dream) asking why I didn’t want them….

Sometimes I just cringe I can still remember the pain of that moment, physically…

I did end up getting sedatives from a psychiatrist for acute ptsd and I still get the prescription…. 😪

And I have kids now and sometimes I just feel guilty…. They’re here and the other…. Isn’t…. 😞

I’ve seen a counselor and I have an array of medications to help with the mental status and anxiety/depression…. But sometimes I just feel slumped and… awful..

And I have no one to talk to about it. The stigma is so large still. My mother doesn’t know… I’ve ever gone through that and she’s pro-choice! I’ve just never told her….

The loneliness accompanied with choosing an abortion…. Is why whenever one of the women on this app or out in the world…. Tells me they’re pregnant and they just don’t know what to do… I try to make it known that it is an option and I would be there….

Sometimes it’s right for your life…. But being alone through it…. Isn’t.

I’m just in my head lately 😔 thanks for reading and if you’re out there struggling with the decision or…. Just going through it right now…. Leave a comment and I’ll message you. 💛