9 weeks three days … going through with abortion

So this super emotional topic for me cause over all I do want to be a mother. But I am not prepared to handle being pregnant or being a parent right now I need more security In my life . I was even on birth control before all lol and it’s practically a joke!

I mean 9 weeks along and I have twins. I am so sick of hearing everyone tell me I should be happy and excited when I am more pissed off and terrified.

I went through an abortion back in 2014 from a rather piece of dog crap man that thought I was just a sexual play thing to use.

I swore to myself up and down for years if I had somthing like this come up again I would not do an abortion again. So as much as I don’t want to do this I feel like it’s a wise decision.

The chance the babies are not the man I am With right now is very possible due to the time frame and I have absolutely no desire to contact the two true fathers cause they very low quality type of people.

I also have had a ton of past health issues and I would be considered a high risk pregnancy dealing with this.

I also am going through a lot as far as my school work and work life is going. I was going to school for nursing and healthcare work.

I have realized in a fairly hard way this not the line of work I truly want to work in after all.

And the Job I have now where as in I am making an income , I can barely take care of myself … let alone two small baby mouths to feed.

This incredibly hard for me to try to cope with. I have always wanted to have a mom I even thought If I could have twins. I would be thrilled.

Also after dealing with all this back in 2014 I know some People will see me as heartless, cruel and un caring even as murderer .

I had to deal with people calling me , things like this back then.

A murderer, killer “, a baby killer”

I did what I did cause I cared about that baby and the life I could give it vs what I was capable at the time to give it. *tear*

And weather people believe that or not it’s what I am doing right now too.

I am doing what I am cause I love these babies and want to give them the best parents and life I can.