Abortion/ Grief

I found out I was pregnant in October and had an abortion in November. I wasn’t stable mentally, emotionally nor financially. I also have a 1 1/2 year old son with my man of 5 years. We decided it was the right decision due to us moving by the time the baby would’ve been born and because of all the bumpy roads we were hitting. I don’t regret the decision because I knew it was the right one for all of us. Especially the baby’s because I would have not been able to give the best of myself with my depression, and the struggles were currently going through. But every single day I cry and think about the baby. And all the what ifs. The guilt really hurts, the pain of being pregnant and then no longer being so. I apologize every day. It’s hard because abortion is looked down upon even when the person was trying to make the right decision. So it feels like you don’t have a right to grieve. And it’s not fair. I wish I could’ve had it, and loved them much longer than I did. I hope I could be forgiven and hope they know I loved them even if it may not seem like I did in the moment I took that pill. I kept a picture of the sonography to keep it close. I thought it would’ve gotten easier as days have by but it’s only gotten harder.