Pick myself up again

I have been very depressed coz:

- my husband have not been affectionate with me since we have children. The last time we did anything sexual was march 2020 (2yrs! Is this normal? Anyone is facing the same in marriage?) . I feel very ugly and unworthy everyday. He said he got no more libido (44yo). All my friends said that's BS, because that age is when men gets their second puberty phase 😅

- my business partner has just been offered to run another company, bigger and better than the one we started together. She had to split her time to work for both companies. I feel like she no longer has the heart to make ours grow. I feel abandoned, and for the past weeks she has been busy traveling for the other business. I feel sad.

- I met a group of friends i have not seen for a year, and they said how different I look. Tired and much older. I swallowed it then with a smile, but when I got home, it echoed in a negative tune in my head. Its eating me up.

- since giving birth december 2021, i have not lost any weight, because I am breast feeding. My bub is 14 months and is eating solid and still on the breast. No formula or cow milk at all. Its hard to lose weight at my age.

- I have big stomach, saggy boobs and wobbly bat wings. I hate looking at myself. My face has alot of pigmentation lately. I feel like giving up, and worthless. Put me in a lazy cycle of not wanting to care for myself at all. I cannot fit in my pretty clothes and dont have budget to buy new clothes. I use my maternity clothes in rotation.

I have been keeping everything within, sweeping my sadness under the rug. But at times i feel like crying on my own and giving up on everything... , thinking of how lonely i am and how it would get worse as i grow older. I only wish to grow old with my husband. With someone who sincerely love me and listen to my heart and my needs. Not only me who accommodate his needs.

I happen to bump into my ex love, and he was surprised to see me. I felt like hiding, i wish i could vanish like a magician. But i had to face it, but he was very kind. We had a long chat, and he listened to me the way I needed. I felt loved. He told me that happiness starts every morning when one makes the decision to make that a happy day.

He uplifted my spirit again. I am planning to lose weight, gain back my positive energy and feel worthy/ beautiful again. I hope to be back to my prepregnancy weight in a couple of months.

I hope to reach my goal of losing 10kg in 10 weeks. I need this kind of support that my husband don't give me. He would not even give me time to speak my heart without judging me being naggy and full of complain. I still wish to keep the marriage strong for the sake of our two kids, but i have sacrificed enough. Feeling lost abt the marriage. But I am working on myself confidence.

Please ladies, I need your support. I am fighting a big war within myself, i need to pick myself up again. Thank you.

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I appreciate so much for the motivations and great advice you ladies have given me. I have been exercising 3 days in a row now, getting the momentum going. I have been caring for my skin with affordable product. I feel more fresh. Still trying to rebuild my self-love, trying not to think too much about the marriage.

I hope this feeling and positive energy stays for a long time. I am taking it day by day.

I have not lost any weight, but I have taken picture of my before. I hope to achieve my goal. I want to share it in my post the before and after. Thanks to each of you wonderful ladies who have contributed to this positive energy I feel ⚡⚡⚡😊 ❤️