Last night I went on a date with a guy and we had a good time. We get back to his place and watch a few movies and talk and laugh, everything was fine until he goes to his closet and pulls out sex toys (used) and shows them to me. I’ve always been the type to give into pressure whenever anyone wants something from me, no matter what it is. I found myself having sex with him and feeling disgusted the entire time, but I didn’t wanna say anything in fear of rejection from him. I went home and cried about it, and let’s just say this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.

I don’t know where this pattern stems from but it really does something to my mental. I feel like all of my sexual partners have never really wanted me for me and I allowed them to get what they wanted from me because I wanted their love. This happens over and over again and I feel “dirty” every single time. The relationships never lead to anything more and that hurts me even worse. I was molested when I was 8 years old and I remember having the same feeling when it was happening, I knew it was wrong but I didn’t tell him no because I wanted him to “like” me.

I’m 20 yrs old with 22 sexual partners and they’ve all been the same. It’s to a point where it’s given me depression and I have no sense of self worth. I always call myself “weak” but I don’t know how to become strong. Please someone help me.