I found a video on my husbands phone…

Sorry for the clickbait title but this isn’t a story about cheating…

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and 5 years ago we had our son. In 2018 when our son was a baby my husband started grad school and our relationship started to go downhill. Partly because of the stress of being new parents that moved to a completely new city with no family, friends, or support and partly because I was working full time (evenings as a server) and he was in school all day. We tag teamed watching our son and never really spent quality time together. We were also broke. Then 2020 happened and the world went crazy, our son was noticeably behind socially and wasn’t hitting milestones as he should and I was convinced he had autism and my husband thought I was crazy, I had two miscarriages on top of normal stress. My husband and I were not doing well. Eventually our son was diagnosed with autism (a mothers gut is always right) which was a lot in itself.

In 2021 things were so bad between me and my husband and I honestly did not want to be with him anymore. He was not there for me at all. It was all about our son. He refused to go to counseling with me.

In 2022 I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to work on our marriage. Even though I couldn’t change him or how he talked to me, or whatever, I could change how I reacted and I made a conscious effort to show him care.

Over time things got way better between us. We were kinder to each other. He wouldn’t freak out about things he usually did. That year he finished grad school and offered to move to be near my family (something I wanted for years but he never agreed to) things got way better just naturally though I did feel like there were underlying issues that we never discussed but I just decided to let it go, forgive him and just move forward.

So anyway tonight I was looking at my sons tablet and saw the picture app displaying a photo. It was a photo of my son I hadn’t seen before so I clicked on it. My sons tablet is connected to my husbands phone so all my husbands phone pictures and videos are synched. So I start scrolling through the photos and I came across a video from the beginning of 2022 of my husbands face and that it was 15 mins long so I decided to click on it.

It was just a video of him talking to the camera saying his thoughts and feelings. He said in the video that he realized that he needs to make a change and that he hasn’t been prioritizing me the way he should. That he put grad school and our son ahead of me and that he didn’t take care of me the way he should and that he was going to change that. That he was going to put me first from now on and try to make things right. He said things that I felt, things that I never thought he would admit to or apologize for. In the video he even said, “ ____(my name) if you’re watching this, I hope that you can see some improvement in me. I don’t think I’ll ever show you this video but if you ever come across it, I love you and you are the most important thing to me.”

You guys he made that around the same time I decided on my own to work on loving him. Idk I just feel so grateful I found this video. It’s just another part of the healing. He hadn’t shared the things in the video with me and he brought up things I’ve been wanting to address but was afraid to bring up. I just feel a weight lifted even more. I just felt like sharing this with someone. Thanks for reading.