Lately I noticed that I was dreaming about kissing or almost sleeping with other guys despite the fact that I’m in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend. Or at least I though it was healthy, until i started reading some articles about this. I haven’t really found a solution or an explanation for this, but these articles made me realize that my relationship might not be as healthy as i think it is. In these dreams usually I cheat on my boyfriend, by kissing or as in my latest dream, almost sleeping with another guy. These dreams always made me feel guilty and kinda sad. In my latest dream, I don’t remember how but I started kissing a guy and just as we were about to… get more into it… you know… I heard my boyfriend’s footsteps, he found us, the door was locked so he tried to break it open and I was crying on the floor and I felt so depressed by the thought of my boyfriend finding out and dumping me, I couldn’t do anything.

I never told my him about these dreams, I’m not sure if it’s something i should discuss with him, because he can get jealous pretty easily, For example there was one time I was invited to a party with my friends, and his behavior was so different than usual, I could tell he was not happy about me going to that party but he kept saying that he’s not going to prohibit me or control me or anything like that so I can go if i want to. I told him he can come too if he feels safer like that but he said he doesn’t have enough money (he’s saving money for a trip this summer). I told him many times that he’s the only one I want to grow old with, and we discussed that since he’s the first guy I’ve been intimate with, i couldn’t even imagine to sleep with another guy and that I never want to be with anyone else.

However, there is a secret i’ve been keeping from him. I had 2 guy friends who i talked to regularly a few years ago on discord, and it’s been really just friendship between the three of us but we stopped talking for months many times and started talking again every time. Well we started talking again the first time since i’ve been together with my boyfriend, and that’s an interesting story. I was on a facetime call with my boyfriend and he said he heard a discord notification. I told him it wasn’t mine because i deleted discord from my phone. A few minutes later, i checked my tablet and it was on do not disturb but i saw a discord notification from one of the two guys, so i started talking with them again. This happened a little bit more than 2 weeks ago, and I don’t have the courage to tell this to my boyfriend yet. I’m not even sure if i should, but maybe this is causing my dreams about other guys. At least maybe the latest dream.

I’m in need of advice. Should I tell him about everything? I want him to trust me and i don’t want to hide anything from him. Or maybe i should just stop talking to those guys. If i keep talking to them without him knowing, then i’m not so loyal. And I know loyalty is the most important part of our relationship to him so i feel awful but i don’t know what to do.