stuck in relationship

My body is deteriorating. I started to work again for 2 hrs and my body is literally breaking down from it. me and my bf don’t get along. Today i got mad at him for putting dishes in front of me after i finished cooking for us and he said i should clean them up and embarrassed me saying that i should keep the communal space clean. and how other people want to use it too. where my roommate could hear. But its his dishes too. Usually he cooks and cleans but, it was mean of him to do that when its not even all my dishes. and he pulled out dishes out of my room, when he knows I’m sick and had a health flare up last night. my heart was in pain. Its like whenever he is stressed he takes it out on me. whenever im in my room and im “too loud” hes like shh. whenever i ask him to respect a boundary he pushes it. Apparently when i talk to communicate its nails on chalkboard so he always plugs his ears. he was good, he had a total personality switch in the winter after finding mold at his bed. Today i just went to my room and slammed my door in response to the dishes. I just wanted to be left alone. but of course. He comes following as if he has to assert some dominance on me. so he goes out and i lock the door I forgot he had his work clothes there. and he starts slamming on it almost breaking it. so i let him in after screaming to get him to stop. He starts bugging me, and grabs my ipad rough when im trying to look on it. so i scream again and that makes him mad. So he pulls my sweater, then i start hitting. and he wont leave, and he pushes me, so i go at his neck. and eventually i kick him out. Lock it. but ofc he forgets his keys. so he bugs again and i just give him the keys and i said you ruined my life and he starts swinging at me.

The hitting is about equal. But i start when he pushes my boundaries. I don’t go chasing him and hitting him. its when he invades my space or wont leave me alone. I never hit anyone before, i was the one usually getting beat my whole life. but now, i just equally throw punches. It never started until he slapped me when i accidentally cut him while playing. He said it was pain reaction. And the time i was nagging him and he grabbed my sweater and cussed me out.

Im such a calm person away from him. and always say to myself. Don’t forgive him. But i always do. Because this is my life and i have to survive. i cannot work and he promised he would provide for me. So i have to do this. Or i will be on the streets. I cannot work more than 1hr a day. And ive been trying hard to start businesses. My father or mother wont take me in. Im going to try to get onto disability but i have to get more medical information. I want a happy life. But i cant drive, i cant work and i cant have peace. I have so many dreams, so many. I want to do sports with my dog, i want travel the world, i want to move to a farm and grow a garden. But without a partner that provides i will live a simple uneventful life stuck in a city with public transport. living with roomattes my whole life.