I am 26 years old with a history of several and I mean several miscarriages. I’ve had about 20 of them. Half of them where like around 6 weeks and then the other half was chemicals.

Last year I had a horrible miscarriage at 6 weeks there was nothing in the sac. I had started bleeding and miscarried.

My husband now and I found that we was expecting after 6/8 months of unprotected sex and hadn’t gotten pregnant yet.

I have factor v and mthfr. That’s all that they could find what was wrong with me. They have had done genetic chromosome testing on my losses before and all came back normal.

Went to see my OB today and they schedule an ultrasound for 6 weeks next week. I gotten very dark positives from 8dpo. Haven’t started bleeding but have had cramps. Felt numbness in my legs and felt like I was going to start my period soon.

Right now I’m on the couch just crying my eyes out because I usually know what the outcome is when I go to a early ultrasound like this. (Miscarried or it is a blighted ovum)

My husband has 3 kids of his own and he is super excited about this pregnancy. But I cannot help but expect the worse to happen. I wish I could find someone to talk to who had been in my shoes. 20 miscarriages and no live births. I had tried heparin, lovenox, baby aspirin, progesterone, methyl folate, and clomid. And I have tried praying.

None of that worked and I’m the only one in my family on both sides of my parents that has had this many losses. And honestly I feel like I’ll never be able to cope if I lose another baby again. That my depression will hit rock bottom. I know I would be a good mom. I am raising his babies since bio mom left her kids and only appears whenever she feels like it. And what sucks the most is hearing them call her “mommy” when I have been the mother figure in their lives. She gets all the credit when I am doing it all. I’ve barely had any symptom with this pregnancy. And I had a hard time finding a OB that would see me due to my history. It’s like no one has ever seen a situation like this before. They’ve all looked at my medical records and just don’t understand why I can’t carry. I have a normal egg quality. I have normal periods. They did some immune testing and all came back normal. This pregnancy has put me into deep depression to be honest. And I can’t enjoy it or be excited. It would take a miracle for me to actually carry a child to term. We looked into <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, egg donor with <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, and surrogacy. All way to expensive. My moms had 1 miscarriage and my sisters has had none and has two healthy boys. I feel less of a woman because my body can’t do what it is made to do. My husband ex wife likes to brag about how her body gave her 3 kids and such and it eats me up. Im in hard core tears right now. And I don’t know what to do. I had several losses with 4 different men in my life and they’ve all had healthy pregnancies with their new partners. I feel extremely hopeless and just don’t know what to think anymore. 💔