This is going to be a long post, so I apologize. It’s been several years and I haven’t told a soul as I’m embarrassed and one of the two guys was a friend of the family’s kid who’s now a cop serving his community 🥴. So the first time was 8 years ago, I was 19 and still a virgin let alone barely had my first kiss. After our date what I thought was going to walk around the park was him insisting we just “chill” in his car in the parking lot. Right away I got this feeling it was for the wrong intentions and so I started to slowly shut down. I was kinda zoned out while making conversation and trying to focus on something outside to hopefully avoid the situation. Anyways the conversation died down and I could tell he “wanted it” and so him trying to slowly make a move, he started to caress his hand slowly down the side of my arm, under my shirt on my stomach and then down to my jeans. He started to unbuckle them and went for it and slid his whole hand down into my underwear without ZERO consent and attempted to finger me. Again me being still innocent, I had no clue what was happening and could feel my face starting to grow hot and being so shocked I literally just froze and spaced out, stumbling over my words because how uncomfortable I was, but didn’t know what to do and just wanted whatever was happening to hurry up. He obviously wasn’t happy that I wasn’t responding back the way he wanted and just removed his hand and drove us back to my car in silence. Still in shock and humiliated, I got out and acted like nothing happened and thanked him for the date and went home. I tried reaching out the next day feeling he was mad at me and he told me I was “too conservative” and ended up just never speaking to me again. I felt so bad about myself for not being “chill” for him and how I needed to have experience so I wouldn’t mess up with the next guy. Fast forward 5 years and at this point I’ve already lost my virginity and stuff. I was out with a guy who I was on and off with kind of before but not in a toxic way. Anyways at this point there was nothing going on between is, no fwb, nothing, simply platonic. I had a day off and so did he so we agreed to go do a day hike. We took his car to this trail about 1 1/2 hours away. Keep in mind he is 6’8 and 240 lbs. so almost double my size. So we’re halfway through the hike and out of nowhere he decided it was funny to take his hand and reach down into my tank top and literally pull out my breast so it was exposed and literally hanging out. He was laughing so hard like he just pulled the ultimate trick. I remember stopping in my tracks feeling beyond humiliated, angry and confused as to what just happened. I was so disgusted at him wondering why he would even do such thing? Nothing I said or did led up to him doing this on the ride up or on the trail. I didn’t know what to do but quickly fix myself as he kept hiking on and laughing so proud of himself. I just remember letting out a nervous laugh out of shock and embarrassment hoping no one was around to see that. I just recall telling myself that he was again double my size and my ride home so I just had to “suck it up” and play along sort of speak if I wanted to make it home. I told him that wasn’t funny and very degrading to do me let alone any woman. He of course just disregarded me and got mad and said “it was just a joke” 😒. Ruined the rest of the hike for me, and here I thought it was just going to be a nice day for the outdoors. We get back to his car and on the ride home he slowly starts fondling my breasts, grabbing my crotch while letting out little laughs and putting his hand on my thigh as I sat in silence because at this point I was starting to become scared for myself? I just couldn’t wait to get home ASAP and block him which I gladly did afterwards. Anyways, I’m embarrassed by these situations and so badly wish I could give my past self a hug for how I was taken advantage with my vulnerability and naivety of what I thought in both situations had no ill intentions and was going to be either a fun little date or a nice day to be outside.