Honestly! What would you do?

Question

My daughter is brand new feisty 4 year old. I had to run to the dollar general. I give her the usual pep talk before we go " im only coming for 2 things, we cant get anything else". I give her the option to walk with me or get in a cart. She choses to walk. So i grab my two things and she is screaming for bandaids. Screaming bloody murder for bandaids. I say no and i walk away..as im wlaking away she runs up behind me and slaps me in my lower back IN FRONT OF OTHER CUSTOMERS . So i turn around and go to grab her AND SHES SCREAMING " DONT HIT ME"  in this store. We dont use physically discipline. And only about 2 times can i count has she been tapped on the butt and it was for 2 very serious things. I am beyond words. Im so scared someone is going to judge or think i beat my child. What would you do? What do i do? It seems no matter what i do someone on here has something bad to say about.my parentings. What would you do?

Answer

I would crouch down to her level and answer her with 'Of course not! But your behaviour is not okay so we're going to take a minute outside and then try this again'. I'd leave the store without my items, discuss how she can correct her behaviour, and then go back in to buy my items. I have an almost 4yo and they would be SO difficult if I tried to finish my task without taking time to recollect. But, I also care more about my child than onlookers so I DGAF how it looks because I know my children are well cared for.

Answer

I gentle parent and attachment parent. Hitting is a form of communicating their frustrations because they cannot verbally express it. At 4, they do not have impulse control. Get down on their level. Be calm. “I understand you want band aids and we will get them another time. Today, we are getting these two items. I understand you’re upset and frustrated. It’s not ok to hit. You are allowed to be upset. You aren’t allowed to hit.”
Validating their emotions is key. Understanding why they are frustrated and helping them understand their feelings really helps. With my son, we talk to him on his level and we get him back to a state of emotional regularity before continuing on the shopping trip.

Answer

I would set very clear expectations with her before you go in. You will walk with me or you will get in the cart. We are only getting what I have to buy￼. There is no screaming for anything else￼. If you can follow those rules, you may have a reward when we get home. When she starts screaming for Band-Aids, get down on her level and say very calmly and quietly, "remember the rules. We are only getting what I have to buy. If you can follow the rules, you may have a reward when we get home."￼ if she continues to scream, tell her that you know it's very hard when you don't get what you want, but we are almost done shopping. That's it. Let her cry. And you just keep telling her that. As far as what other people are going to think because of what she said, I wouldn't worry about it. Kids say crazy stuff. If you are not hitting her, people can see that. ￼

Answer

Just here to commiserate. This sounds like my son the last couple of weeks. He will be 4 in September. We are struggling big time with defiance and outbursts and not listening to anything we say/ask of him no matter how calmly and nicely we try to do it. We're struggling here, and also have a 1 month old 😓 If the baby is sleeping and older son is being a bit noisy, we could ask him in the nicest way possible to please lower his voice a little so we don't wake the baby, and he will then purposely scream at the top of his lungs continually to wake baby up on purpose.

Answer

First of all, I dgaf what others think. I’m more embarrassed when my kid acts out in public, so I make a point to put a stop to it. Quick. Now a good NO stops them in their tracks.

Honestly! What would you do?

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