Second baby, bf wants abortion again.

I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years I guess now. Just before a year of being together, I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I didn’t want to get an abortion but had a lot of pressure to, even from family. We’re still together though we don’t live together and our son is 19 months. Our relationship never really recovered from all the conflict when I was pregnant. I was on the pill but didn’t always take the same time and it was the one where you take a break, I don’t know anyway that was my first pregnancy.

Then I had a coil, always bled but had heavy bleeding and pain. In hindsight I should’ve got it checked sooner. It was very stressful and I was told it increased chances of miscarriage so didn’t tell him at first. When I did it was exactly as before. He apologised for being a d*ck head the first time but asked me to promise him I’d be sensible about it this time.

Im now 16w. He’s said whatever I chose he will only have one child and won’t be forced to do this again. That I need to stop messing around or I’ll miss the opportunity.

He’s now implying that because I worked in a nursery before our first and because I’ve always said I wanted children that he’s suspicious I’ve got pregnant on purpose if I keep this one. So if I have a surgical abortion I’ll regret it and I know I will but if I keep it then 1. He won’t acknowledge it, 2. He’ll say I’ve done it on purpose and 3. Everyone will judge me and it’ll be like my first all over again, everyone judged me for keeping him.

I don’t know how I’d cope with 2 but I don’t know how I’d cope with having a surgical abortion, I have a history with mental health and know it’ll affect me personally.

Adoption my family will judge me especially as I’ve got one child already.

I just feel stuck and lost and time keeps going by and now despite my feelings, I’m having second thoughts about my decision because I’m terrified to go through everyone judging me again. I get government support but it’s not sustainable and my bf says I’d be throwing our family’s future away.

I don’t know what I’m r really asking for, I just have so many feelings and fears and just feel either way it’s bad.