He said the worst possible thing

Last night was bad it was very bad. I'm trying to decide whether I need to try to work things through or live with my husband as "roommates" and just keep working as a team to take care of our family co-existing. I have dealt with a low self esteem for a long time but everyday I question my worth because I am a SAHM and always feel like a bad wife/mom/person since we struggle so much. I have been trying to balance everything while searching for a remote job to help out since we are struggling and I can see it stresses my husband and keeps me up at night running numbers in my head.

Anyways lately he has been hypercritical and points out anything that's not done or not done right or he can't find something. Yesterday I kept snapping telling him to let shit go, to stop complaining at every little thing I do or don't do because it's so minor. He got mad and went straight to the low blows.

"You're the reason I don't want to be here"

"What the f*ck do you do all day"

"What am I even paying for"

I told him to stop because he can't take any of it back. Awhile later he tried to talk to me, he started crying and saying he meant none of it and just wanted to hurt me. I shut down, didn't even want to talk, I didn't eat I felt so sick. He purposely said those things because he knows they are my insecurities. Someone who really loves you wouldn't do that so despite him trying to repair the damage I just checked out. Even today I just don't feel the same, even if it was a heated moment he was suppose to be the person to never do that and I'll question it forever.

Now I'm stuck and don't know if it was really nothing or if I have to tough out a conversation I don't want to have. I want to run, I want to move into the spare bedroom, I want to not have to talk or deal with him at all.