I live on my own with my 20 month old. I am 5 months pregnant now, only the father (same as my first) knows and one friend. He wanted me to get an abortion with our first, I was 18, but I didn’t think it was right morally. He sees our child on weekends, financially supports.

I found out I was pregnant with a iud that slipped down out of place. I knew he would say the same. My beliefs hasn’t changed. He just says it’s not a person yet, it’s just a bunch of cells and asks why didn’t I didn’t who“get it sorted” as soon as I found out because “that would’ve been easier” for me. That if I don’t make “the right decision” then I’m throwing away our future and it isn’t fair on our son or on him or me. I know he’s probably right and from experience I know it’s tough to cope when it feels like everyone’s acting like, “I told you so.”

He got the number up for abortion clinic so I had to call them. I went there feeling like an idiot, I got upset, they did an ultrasound. He just keeps telling me to call them back and get the appointment sorted properly, he’ll be supportive and look after our son whilst I go to London. Acting like he’s being supportive, just feel like it’s easy for guys to say they’re “supportive” when it’s the decision that suits them.

He said he won’t be involved if I make “the wrong decision” but it’ll ruin him ever getting a better mortgage or ever getting anything in life anyway even if he’s not involved because the government will still try tax him. That he cared about me the first time but now this time I need to care about him.

I feel like I can’t talk to my family. Like just generally in society there’s this attitude that if everything’s not “ideal” then a person has no rights, the mother is irrational. I was so judged for not getting an abortion and even still if it ever comes up that my son wasn’t planned people always act surprised that I didn’t abort him.

I feel so embarrassed, so alone. I know I’ll be so judged. I feel so low, hopeless. Trying to mother my son but being in such a dark place I don’t feel I’m even doing good enough for one…

Just for the record I’m not religious.