Please help, I need advice. I have no one I want to talk to in my life.

My husband and I have been married 7 years and have two young kids. I feel like I definitely used to be more attracted to him than I am now.

He’s a great guy, we were also each others firsts. So we both don’t have any other sexual experiences.

He wants me to be someone I’m not, more nasty/dirty in the bedroom. I absolutely despise blow jobs, and it just grosses me out. He is always comparing me I feel, since his friends are in his ear. He is saying his friends wife loves swallowing and shit. I’m like cool that isn’t me. Like sorry. He wants me to be more adventurous with him, but I know he has no experience so then it’s just awkward.

Well now it also has pushed me further away attraction wise. If we didn’t have kids I’d want to start over with a new partner sexually. I want to have a passionate sex life but I feel resent and anger towards him so I don’t want to give in to him as horrid as that sounds. I also feel like now he’s not muscular enough or tall enough so I’m not sexually attracted to him, and I know that is so shallow. Like I am not the most attractive human either and he thinks I’m so sexy. But I can’t say the same about him now and I feel awful and shallow.

Any advice or what should I do? We are married and have two beautiful children. I needed to get this off my chest too so thank you.