I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

A girl I’ve been talking to since June has popped into my mind twice as I’m about to or in middle of orgasming while masturbating.

We aren’t in a relationship because I don’t think I’m in the right headspace to be in a relationship at the moment due to family issues, and she’s still healing from some old wounds that her ex(male) left her and she’s in therapy. And I’d be the first girl she’d ever date or have romantic intentions towards(she only ever dated two guys but has identified as Pan since she was a teen) so she just wants to take things slow and enjoy our connection and I feel the exact same way.

We openly have discussed about wanting to potentially be in a relationship with one another but the current timing just isn’t right. But we both care a lot about each other and have a very deep emotional connection.

Here’s why I’m writing all of this.

I’ve dated a girl before but she was asexual so in the time of our relationship we never did anything sexual and at the time I wasn’t comfortable enough to even consider having sex with someone.

Then we broke up and I then got into a situation-ship with someone and we talked about having sex but then the person broke it off because they still had feelings for their ex.

But in being involved with two different people, I’ve never had sex or even thought of these two people in really sexual ways(like them popping into my head during my private time).

I find the girl I’ve been talking to since June(will call her Willow) very attractive in a lot of different ways including physically. But I’ve never really paid much attention to her body. I just have found her very pretty. But the things that come into my mind as I’m hitting my high are based around her body mainly and it grosses me out that sexual things about her are randomly popping into my head when I didn’t even feel any sexual attraction towards her yet(or if ever)!

I normally just get into the sensation and that’s how I orgasm and haven’t ever been one to imagine someone to turn me on or to fully orgasm. So I have no idea why she’s popping into my mind in those moments because then I just feel grossed out and confused(I don’t find her gross tho).

I mean I haven’t even had wet dreams about her so idek why this is happening now.

Has anyone else ever has this happen with someone they were romantically talking to?

(Just in case anyone that may read this is wondering, both willow and I are in our early twenties and are the same age)