Advice?

Question

Hey everyone! Just looking for some advice here. I was with my ex for 8 years but we’ve always broken up many times because he’d leave me for other girls, cheat, etc… every time we’ve broken up he’d immediately get with other girls, post them, sleep with them, do things with them that we used to do. Even though I’ve been through that pain of always seeing him with other girls, I always feel jealous every time. Idk if it has to do with the fact that he was my first boyfriend, the first person I lost my virginity to and was my first everything. I just want to stop feeling this way because it’s stupid… but I don’t know how. I hate feeling jealous because I know he’s not a good person and uses girls like toys, it’s just I always end up feeling jealous…

Answer

You have to know that you deserve better than the crap that you are settling for. You are emotionally attached because of the reasons you stated, and he uses that to his advantage to get away with murder. He knows you’re not going anywhere, which is why he keeps cheating, the first time you cheat, how you react speaks volumes. If you allow it, and you forgive him and take him back or whatever else, you’re telling him that not only is the behavior acceptable, that when he does it again, and he will because it’s become tolerated and acceptable behavior.you’re literally giving him permission by taking him back you’re saying it’s OK to cheat on me. You feel jealous, and that’s normal, he’s cheating on you, of course, that’s gonna make you feel bad, he moves onto other people and you’re still involved in his life, it’s like lemon juice on an open wound feeling like he stabbed you in the back. Honestly, I would cut him off from everything, block him on social media on your phone, it’s not healthy to go back to somebody who cheats on you because you know darn well he’s gonna cheat on you again, he’s got it made he can do as he placesand you allow it, you give him permission literally every time you take him back. Stop, allowing the behavior, cut off the toxic behavior, get some therapy. If you need to, medication if you need to, realize that a man does not complete you, you complete yourself, and when you are healed, and Whole as a person, not looking for someone to fix you or complete you, that’s when you are ready to date again. And do not look for someone who needs to be fixed or completed, that’s not a partner who is your equal, that’s a project you are not there to mother him, you are not there to clean up after him, fix his problems, etc.. You take the time to heal otherwise you develop trust issues, insecurities, commitment issues, desperation does the choosing, because you don’t want to be alone, and when you do that, you pick crap. You blame the new guy for what the old guy did, and that’s not fair to them, sabotaging the relationship and your own happiness. My best advice to you is to be present, don’t think about the good times, and what you could’ve done differently think about the jerk who he is in the end, he’s the jerk who cheated on you, and used you and you know darn well he uses the other women as well. You deserve a man of quality, who’s respectful, who treats you well, who doesn’t cheat on you, someone who adores you and practically worships the ground that you walk on. Someone who makes you a priority, someone who goes above and beyond to impress you and To be of service and helpful and benefits, your life, not someone who drags you down and makes things worse. Take the time to heal. Block him on everything, it’s like a bag of apples, when one apple is bad, it makes all the others go bad as well, you need to get rid of it from the bag or it ruins all the other apples. You deserve love, you deserve happiness, you deserve so much more. Take the time to heal, don’t overthink it, overthinking is like sitting in a rocking chair just gives you something to do and steals your happiness but it doesn’t get you anywhere it doesn’t help, it doesn’t benefit anything, it is harmful to your health, your mental health, your lack of sleep, your well-being, your anxiety or depression, etc.. in the past, keep moving forward. Keep yourself busy, do things that better, your life, education, reading books, learning a language, knocking things off your bucket list, traveling, doing things that make you feel good about yourself, volunteering is like a makeover for the soul, it makes you stop focusing on yourself, but focus on others instead, it makes your problems not seem so big, it changes your perspective on life,you go from that victim mentality of why me too it could always be worse and realizing that, at least you have your health, at least you have your family, at least you have whatever it may be that you do have. Read to the blind, Habitat for Humanity, for people, who’ve lost their homes to disasters, feed the homeless at a soup kitchen, it’s a very humbling experience. It makes you grateful and appreciate life that you don’t have to deal with what they do. I know you may never get the closure that you need, but a good coping mechanism is writing letters to get things off of your chest, to get everything down on paper, to clear your mind, to find your own closure, you don’t have to give it to the person, but at least it gets it off your chest and you’re able to say everything you need to say, don’t give it to them, you can keep it or destroy it, but you may never get the closure that you are looking for, the forgiveness is something else that you need to do, you don’t forgive them to their face, you forgive them to yourself, because you deserve happiness, you deserve to have that burden removed from your heart, You deserve peace of mind and solace, you deserve to get that out and not carry those burdens. Forgiveness is for yourself not for them so that you’re able to let things go. I wish you the best of luck, take care of yourself, we all have good days and bad days, give yourself, grace and space on those days, do things that make you feel good about yourself, sleep, making sure you’re taking care of yourself, because you can’t pour from an empty cup, you need to take care of yourself, bathe, get your nails done, put on some make up, whatever it may be get a new outfit, change your hair, do things that make you feel good about yourself. Don’t do it for other people do it for yourself because it makes you feel good.

Advice?

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