I'm having a really hard time with life in general right now. I feel like I have been abandoned by everybody. Especially God. I feel like he doesn't care. At the beginning of the year I found out that I was pregnant. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby as most moms do. However in March they said he wasn't growing the way he was supposed to. And they feared a miscarriage. I prayed and begged for God to not take my son however, and April we found no heartbeat. My baby was gone. It was the worst moment of my life. One that I have still not healed from. However I have to stay strong for my now 1-year-old daughter. Unfortunately I also suffer from postpartum depression that I have not been able to find help for. I have tried turning to my family and talking to them but they're wrapped up in their own lives and it doesn't seem like they care. I have prayed and asked for help communicating with my family however I feel more distant than ever. I have prayed and begged and pleaded to be able to get pregnant again and have my rainbow baby. I missed my period for a whole month and thought maybe this was it. But it wasn't. I unfortunately had picked up a bad batch of pregnancy tests is our guess. I had multiple faint positives but all turned out to be wrong. October 26th was the due date for my son and I could not have felt more alone and more abandoned by everybody. I try speaking with God and asking for help to get over this bad feeling but I seem to fall more and more into a depressive state. And now my husband is suffering from what they call " sex headaches " meaning every time he's about to climax he gets horrible headaches that cause severe nausea and pain where he is almost in tears. They have suggested for now no sex. How am I supposed to have another baby when we can have sex. I feel like every time I pray and ask for God's help he does the complete opposite and makes it 10 times worse. This year I have completely lost faith in God. He obviously doesn't care about me or is not listening or feels like I'm some kind of joke. It's just how I feel. Everybody says God has a plan for you but it does not feel like it. I just don't know what to do anymore