Pressure to Feed

Okay, I am now 4 weeks pp and I am under so much pressure about me not breast feeding. When I first started to, I struggled a lot with it. My baby wasn’t latching well because I have wide nipples and she was getting such a shallow latch. I used the shield and it hurt so bad for me. My nipples began to crack and bleed. When I looked down while feeding the one time, my shield was filled with blood. I immediately stopped and cleaned it out and gave her formula.

When I told the breastfeeding consultant, she said “well, blood isn’t bad for her”. I was very uncomfortable with that and was not going to have my baby drinking my blood.

I began pumping but wasn’t getting much out. Especially with how fast she was eating, I was unable to keep up.

Then with the pain from my C- Section, I was unable to eat. I would eat maybe once a day but that was it and I still can’t fully eat a meal. I felt as though I was too weak to do it and I wouldn’t be giving her everything she needed.

Whenever I go to the doctors, they question me on why I’m not breastfeeding. When I explain why I’m not, they say, “Well you really should be. Remember, breast is best!”. I have been to a couple different appointments and they all are pushing me to breastfeed. It’s not like I didn’t want to. I simply struggled and did what I felt best for my daughter and I.

Now, people keep asking me if I am or if I’m not and they look at me as if I’m this evil person for not doing it for her. They tell me it’s best for her and formula is expensive, why wouldn’t I just feed her my milk since it’s free? Plus, now my baby is sick and people are saying if I would have feed her my milk, she would have more antibodies and probably wouldn’t be sick.

I am feeling very hurt and pressured. I wanted to but just couldn’t do it. Anyone else have this? Because it’s awful. :(