Ending A Relationship (Please help me)

What do I do? At the end of September, my guy friend and I decided that we wanted to take it a step further and entertain the idea of possibly being more than friends. He’s been in multiple relationships, as he’s 8 years older, and I haven’t been in one. This was the first relationship that I’ve ever had. The first thing I told him when we started was that this was going to take a lot of time for me, because of how new it was. I’ll admit it, I was scared, and I still am. He was completely okay with it and not pushy AT ALL. It took about 6-7 dates for me to be able to kiss (and even then with extreme hesitation). Now that we are about 2 months in, I’ve just started randomly feeling like things weren’t quite right and have been struggling with myself. I cringe at flirting, and attempt to close myself when physicality is involved. I’ve also been noticing small things with him, where I know I’m not compatible, and things that have made me question if I can see him in my future. I obviously take dating very seriously, and I do weigh in the future. Thinking about this isn’t scary, and it actually helps me with clarity in the relationship. With that being said, I struggle to see him in my future which sucks. He’s a good guy, don’t get me wrong, I just have also started realizing how much I miss my independency. I wish I wasn’t in a relationship, and I wish I didn’t have to dread when we go on dates. This sucks so much because he is doing absolutely nothing wrong, I’m just not ready like I originally thought I was. We had a date the other day and we were in public, and he held my hand while walking for the first time, along with his wrapping his arm around me, etc. which he has done before. This time, it was painful to hold his hand.

What’s extremely upsetting is I know that the problem is me, and it’s nothing he is doing. It’s not fair AT ALL to be continuing something where I am not investing the same amount he is investing into the relationship. Now, I go back and forth on what I should do, but I think the only fair thing would be to end things between us.

The hardest part is figuring out a time and place to do it! What do I do?! What makes things even harder is that he has told me that because of me, he’s become a better person, and friends have even pitched in that they’ve never seen him happier. Not to mention, we work together and he is very close to some coworkers that are extremely supportive of our relationship. I know we will be friends at the end of this and still be professional about things, it just hurts to know that I’ll have to hurt him in the process. Also, he’s told me he wants me to meet his parents, which I am upset about because I want to as this is big, but I don’t have the same feelings. I don’t want to become the bad guy for ending something.

Throughout all of this, I still have a hard time seeing us together in the future and it’s absolutely terrible knowing that he probably can see us together. I’ve also been making it seem like everything has been fine so it makes me feel guilty. Obviously I want to tell him sooner rather than later.

I’m at the point where I decided that I will either call him, or talk to him in person. If I’m having doubts back and forth, I should just push through and end things because it’s not fair for him at all. How do I even tell him? What do I do? This makes me sick thinking about doing this but I want to be able to focus on my school work, work, and my family I have. I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m scared, and it’s not fair for him.

Also Side Note:

Im leaving town in a couple days to visit family for thanksgiving so I have no idea what to do timing wise. I don’t want to seem like an ass saying it before thanksgiving.