Am I toxic ?

I know I’m gonna get hate but honestly I came here for honest advice.

Now i don’t remember last time I was happy in my marriage.. I been getting the ick .. disguised .. mean .. and always saying the D word at my husband . I talked with him for months and months and he said he will change . Nothing changed . I’m also tired of myself always mean and never feeling like kissing him or hugging him because of the disgust I have towards him. I hate always setting and ultimatum or divorce always being in my mind.

Any advice ?

There are so many reasons on why I am like this but at the same time it gets exhausting z

Also what is physical abuse ? Where does it start?

He once did something but idk if it’s considered abuse .. even tho I been scared ever since . At the same time idk if I’m being overdramatic ..

Thank you all in advance.