My husband decided in the middle of an argument we should sit down and talk. Obviously a heated argument where he was yelling and I was being quiet and he suddenly decided after many years of marriage we needed to have a deep conversation, this came out our no where and I was confused considering all the times I’ve begged and pleaded with him to have one with me (during non argumentative situations) he refused. Suddenly he wanted to have one cos he changed he says …. He hasn’t changed at all his patterns and red flag toxic manipulative behaviors and such is still present there was and has been no change.

I refused to speak to him and told him we can have this conversation when this descalates

He said nah I wanna have one NOW!!!!!!!

I said I’m not having a meaningful conversation with someone who’s yelling at me

He said I’m not yelling

(He was, his anger is the type to potentially turn violent or be unsafe which is why I try to be quiet and say as little as I can during an argument )

I said ok but I’d prefer to have a talk when things aren’t heated

He said WOOOOOW see you never wanna talk you never wanna listen to me when I’m fucking taking

I said I do

Anyways was I wrong to turn down his advances to talk, especially when he was heated, angry and yelling at me?

He feels it was