Idk where to even start . Ill try to explain the situation as best I can without making this post to long . I've been in an extremely abusive relationship for the past 8 years that started when I was 17 and he was 23. Throughout the duration of this relationship I have made multilple attempts to leave but obviously none have been successful. Needless to say he is a scary nasscitic "man". Currently I have been waiting on the opportunity to make another attempt but the past couple of months he's been on his best behavior and on New Year's Day he proposed to me. Out of fear of what his reaction would be if I said no, I said yes and now im an emotional wreck. Idk how to tell him that I dont see a future with him. He's done way to much damage to me in every way imaginable. I feel so guilty for saying yes knowing dam well I have no intentions of marrying that man. Idk if it is the guilt but I see something different in his eyes like a more gentle look. I feel like his happiness is in my hands. I feel terrible about potentially breaking his heart. But I've been with him long enough to know that it is only a matter of time before he has another episode. Yet I cant help but to feel sad about not wanting to marry him and giving him false hope. Idk if I should wait for him to return to his normal abusive self or just get over my fear of him and tell him I do not want to spend the rest of my life with him.