I’m losing hope to live.

all because of my 3 high risk hpv (16,18,45) that i most likely have in my mouth/throat and anus aswell as my cervix. So I’m doomed to get cancer in one or more of these areas.

The thought that i unknowingly most likely gave it to my boyfriend orally too makes me lose more of my Will to live. Knowing he most likely Will develope tonsill och throat cancer because of my viruses.

I feel like i’m fucked of life. I blame myself so hard for ever having sex orally and stuff inprotected, and I blame my mother more for not giving me the vaccine when I was young. My mom is my best friend but I can’t stand her bc of this now.

I wanna die everyday. And I see no hope in living anymore. I’m only 22 and I already ruined my whole life.

Any tips or ressurance?