Hi everyone! I just needed somewhere safe to vent and find words of encouragement. I apologize in advance for the long post but a lot has happened these past few months! I got married in May and my hubs and I have been trying to convince since then, unsuccessfully. My cousin got married this past October and him and his wife are now expecting a sweet little girl! Of course I’m happy for them but I can’t help but feel so hurt that I’m not in the same boat. I’m coming up on a year and can’t try to get pregnant again until April. A little background to my journey…so we’d been TTC since May but I didn’t immediately notice that my cycle had become irregular and when I looked back at my period tracking I noticed it’s actually been off for a year! (This is around October). At first it was only off by a bit so it wasn’t really noticeable but 3 months before I realized something’s off (July) were when my cycle started varying a lot more and the longest cycle I’d had was 48 days so I went to the GYN in Oct. I’d always had a regular cycle for the longest time and I’ve always had super heavy bleeding (1pad every 2hours or I bleed through. Have to sleep with something under me or sheets become a bloody mess) but doctors never really did anything about the bleeding. They also never actually saw the bleeding, so probably didn’t take it seriously. This time I’m at the GYN while on my period, it wasn’t planned like that because I didn’t know when I was bleeding next and it just happened to be that day. And good thing she did. She does a Sono and says there’s something in my uterus (not a baby) and wants to do a D&C with a biopsy…naturally I’m freaking out because there’s a family history of all the cancers. She suspected whatever is in there is causing the heavy bleeding. (Weird because there was nothing there EVER before and I’ve always had the bleeding.) So I do the procedure and she scrapes everything out (veryyy uncomfortable and I was cramping so bad after I had to lay down for 20 min). I go to my follow up and she says everything looks perfect try to get pregnant now. So I try, even though it’s past my ovulation window and of course I don’t get pregnant and I get my period. This is around Thanksgiving! It was a light period for like 4 days straight and I’m thinking “wow! Is this what a normal period is like?!” But was surprised when I kept bleeding and on day 12 it becomes really heavy and I’m passing clots. So I made another appointment when I was bleeding for 10days (my normal is 8 days max) and got it for a few days later. At this point I’m bleeding for TWO WEEKS!! She does a sonogram and sees the heavy bleeding but says everything looks perfect and clean inside but I have a tiny fibroid in my uterine wall that wasn’t there before, so she gives me a pill to stop the bleeding but I still don’t under why it’s happening. She tells me to try and get pregnant this month. So I’m like okay, maybe this is a one time glitch but was playing with the idea of getting a second opinion. I couldn’t get an appointment elsewhere until February 20 😨. It’s now December, and from December 3-11 I was having pain on my lower right (I have an ovarian cyst there) especially when I bear down (push) or bend over. But it was never concerning enough to go the ER and I was away in Florida with the hubs for his work. But, we try when I’m ovulating for 2 days (couldn’t really do any other time because of travel) and after we try, I feel a pop on my lower right side and when I went to the bathroom there was pink in my underwear. It wasn’t painful so I don’t think the cyst burst. I wasn’t sure what it was and I know it’s not implantation bleeding because it doesn’t happen that fast 🤣 so I decided I’ll deal with it when I’m home tomorrow, hubby had to stay in Florida the rest of the month for work. And I was having that light period again because the bleeding didn’t stop. I get to day 9 and the bleeding turns heavy, but heavier than normal I was bleeding through heavy flow pads soaking my pants, in an hour/hour and a half! This wasn’t normal. There’s an urgent care called Fem GYN that I decided I’d go to but needed to get cleaned up. So after work I went straight home to shower and decided I’ll just go tomorrow if the bleeding stays like this. I called and confirmed they take my insurance and was set. So the next day comes and I took precautions so that I wasn’t a mess at work and was changing my pad when I left home and then when I got to work. An hour and a half in I look down and the blood is on my pants, so I go change.. I still had about 2 hours to go. I ended up leaving 15 min early because the blood was to the middle of my thighs on my pants and I knew if I went home first I might not leave again. So I went to the bay ridge location (closer to home) of Fem GYN (I spoke to them the day before) and the office was shut down/moving out?! So I’m like WTF why didn’t you say anything when I asked if I can just walk in?! So now I’m like “great I have to drive to park slope now” (which I was closer to when at work) so I drive there only to be told they don’t take my insurance! WTF! I ask what their OOP cost is and it’s $300. So I’m frustrated and overwhelmed and finally decided I’m going to the ER. I checked my copay and it’s $75 and I was like I’d rather that than $300. I’m still bleeding a lot like I feel the blood and I tell the doctors the history and they do a sonogram and find my ovarian cyst is 5.7 cm (that’s huge like the size of a lime)! They do a pelvic exam and the doc says he sees a polyp on my cervix and asks if he can tweeze it out. And I’m like um no not without an anesthetic! So he makes me an emergency appointment with my GYN for the following morning. When I get home, I pass a blood clot the size of my thumb! 👍🏻 I’m not even exaggerating, I took a pic for comparison, it was crazy! I go to the appointment and I tell her and she says she’s surprised that there’s a polyp. She does an exam and says there’s no polyp he probably was looking at a clot and thought it was a polyp. So she cleans me up inside with a giant swab and says that I have to go on birth control to regulate my cycle. And I say I still don’t understand what’s happening. She says that I’m having abnormal cycles and bleeding because I’ve gained weight and need to get regulated and have to take the birth control for at least 3 months before I can try again. I’ve been having a hard time losing weight. I have ADHD, Depression, and OCD and struggle with motivation and I’m not taking any meds because I’ve been wanting to have a baby with nothing in my system. So I’m seeing all my friends and family starting families of their own and I’m struggling here. I’ve just finished my first month of BC, 2 more to go!