My mental state isn’t the best lately, so this might be kind of hard to read. Please bare with me, I can’t remember things anymore and I can’t focus on things. I feel like I’m going insane and the harder I try to be a good wife the worse of a person I am. I have literally tried everything in my power to keep him happy and make myself the wife he wants. He will shit on my entire existence and then calls to make sure that I’m over my shit. So I tell him there’s no problem because it’s easier and then he tells me all the ways it’s my fault he had to act like that. Then I end up reassuring him he’s not a problem and he did nothing wrong because it’s just easier that way. He constantly tells me he’s changing and that he’s being better, but it doesn’t feel like it’s getting better. For example, we’re on vacation right now. We had $350 of cash on us for spending and if we needed anything. Things are obviously expensive at the resort and he’s been drinking every day we’ve been here. So I told him today were down to like $60 he can’t keep buying drinks here. He completely flew off the handle and told me I was trying to control him and that I never had a problem with his drinking before. But now I’m trying to force him to not drink Becks’s I need to be in control. So to try and stop a fight and make him happy I said you can drink but please just go buy something from a gas station or a store. So he did, then he ran out and said he was gonna buy more and I said we can’t afford it. We still have another day and the kids will need to eat and stuff on the way home. So he got in my face and told me what a horrible person I am and how I guilt and shame and gaslight him. Then he got in the car and left, then he called me to see if I’m over my shit. (He also “playfully” slapped me in the face before he left three times) then he called back again to tell me about how it was my fault he acted like that and how I probably hate him and if I cared I’d be calling him asking him to come back. Then he called me a third time and told me he’s sorry and he wishes we could just get along and he wishes I just cared about him. Now he’s sitting at a bar somewhere, texting me that he knows I hate him but he loves me and just wishes we could get along. This is literally the kind of thing I deal with almost daily and I honestly don’t know if I am just the biggest bitch in the world. I really try hard not to be, I have never objected to his drinking or whatever else he wants to do. I try my hardest to keep the house clean enough for him and keep the kids quiet. I feel like a crazy person and I feel like I’m starting to lose feelings for him and I feel so guilty. I don’t know what to do. My mom has been noticing I can’t remember stuff and I’m spacy

EDIT: he just texted me and told me he got kicked out of the bar for yelling at the bartender