Ok so I don't know where to start so let me start at the beginning. Apologies if this becomes too long.

I met him when I was 21 and he was 36. We worked together. He had 3 kids and recently left his wife. He was living with a friend.

When we'd go on dates, I'd usually pay. Very soon, like 1 or 2 months in, he was absolutely unembarrassed to ask me for the pin code of my debet card because he felt emasculated and wanted to be able to - at least for other people's impressions - pay for our dates. (Red flag ofcourse but I was understanding and gave him my code). We moved in together when we were dating for about 4 months. My lease was up for my apartment and I didn't want to extend it, so I asked him, do you want to look for a place together or is that too soon for you (keep in mind that in our legal system that would mean living together wouldn't be an option for another 3 years) so we moved in together, looked for a place to live with 4 bedrooms, Which was double the price of my apartment at the time. He convinced me to join our bills. I wasn't hard to convince as I bet it's easier to pay all the bills with 2 full paychecks than to see what's necessary and split those bills. Either way, he persuaded me to spending a lot of money. I'd often tell him we don't have that kind of money, for him to turn around and say "sure, xyz money is there, we can use it" usually they were things for him or the kids that were extravagant. he's just never happy with basic normal stuff, he'll always need more and he'll always need better, nothing will be enough ever. On top of that he was often very mean to me. He'd yell at me when he forgot something, like his wallet or his phone. I'd cry and he'd tell me I'm just manipulating to make him feel guilty. Or he'd just tell me to stop or he'll be more angry, like sure that makes people feel better. We talked about this frequently, he'd dismiss how I felt completely and dismissed my budgetary concerns as well. He'd always say how he's never ever had such a good book and that we're not doing too bad. But we were living paycheck to paycheck every month and it stressed me out because it wasn't at all necessary.

So 2 years ago, I realized that he doesn't really have any power over me, that was all imaginary and based on me trying to be happy with him as a partner. I realized that I can pull my finances, I can actually leave him, he doesn't actually have power over that. and that I'd be happier without him. Especially because I DO make good money.

So I opened a seperate debit account and had my paycheck go there. I started saving for a house. obviously he found out, we had some hard talks. First he jumped to I'm cheating and demanded my phone and full access, I told him straight up no. - I had finally reached out to a friend about his behavior and him finding out would start WW3, he cannot have that I talk negatively about him. - He told me a lot of shit and tried to cuss me out for about 6 months, then he realized I was serious and he started getting desperate and begging. Last year he asked me for another year to straighten out our finances, and I gave him that year, but he's not actually straightening out anything. His behavior is better, and we have more fun, but I feel it's temporary, just an act to keep me.

I have found an apartment and I'm getting in by February 1st.

-I need to cut off short here, my battery is dead 😬-