Hi everyone, hope you are all having a great day/night.

Just want to share what I’m feeling right now coz as what the title says, I’m dating someone in secret.

I separated from my ex husband a year ago and will split our assets before starting the divorce process. I was minding my own business and preparing to be a single mum of a toddler for a while when suddenly, a long time acquaintance from our church group messaged me.

He heard that ex and I are no longer together after 20 years (10 years dating) and he was shocked. He went through the same heartache when his marriage lasted for around 10 years. We’re both single parents now. He’s got 2 teenage boys.

Long story short, we both got cheated on and that was our common ground. We couldn’t stop talking to each other and now we’re dating in secret for almost 2 months. Why secret? Well, first things first, we’re both not divorced yet. And we used to move in the same church group so our exes know each other. We also have a lot of little things to sort out before we can be free to go into another serious relationship.

I know you can say we’re all single adults who are free to date anyone. But we’re both traumatised. He was very active in church and the fact of us dating will shock some people knowing we used to belong to other people. He couldn’t bear to know the opinions of others. It was those opinions that contributed to ruining his marriage. He’s also worried how my hot headed ex will take it after knowing about us. They weren’t best friends but played basketball together. He’d rather avoid another drama but said if there’ll be a confrontation with him, he wouldn’t back down.

Then I turned to look at my situation. Even if I myself wanted to date him in public, I don’t have the time to go out anyway. I work 4 days a week then study part time and look after my son in between. He on the other hand, works 7 days a week. So maybe this set up isn’t bad after all. Just that we’re not claiming each other in public.

Now for the good part. He said he wanted to make things right this time as his previous relationships after his marriage ended .. only lasted for 6 months max. He falls hard and fast. He’s dated around and wants to now just settle with the last woman. Waiting 2 years before going public is enough for our exes to move into another relationship hopefully, and that our divorces would at least be on the way by then. As a woman I sometimes feel a bit shortchanged coz I like the feeling of being out on a date. Although he did promise to do all of that after 2 years. When we talk about the future, we used to use the word “if” we get there. Now he’s changed it to “when” we get there ☺️.

Now when I think about it, after numerous conversations on why we’re doing things this way- I’ve completed the picture in my head about what he was explaining. He is “saving” me for after the 2 years that we’re both going to go public. He ensures that I’m not with anybody else by then. Coz he tells me that men will try and date me even if I have a kid (that’s how he thinks of me anyway, lol). He doesn’t wanna risk losing his chance with me! 🥹

So far he says and does the right things. Sex is great. No red flag about cheating either. I feel safe and secure with him. I can be vulnerable with him. I thank God sometimes for sending me a man that is opposite to my gas lighting ex. My bf loves God, has integrity and is respectful of others. It’s like God is rewarding me from all those years of incompatibility with my ex.

At 43 years of age, I thought I should be happily married and a content housewife. Instead here I am , a single Parent with butterflies in my stomach acting giddy whenever I talk to him. He said we should feel lucky and grateful that we still feel this at our age. Coz not everyone can catch this feeling all over again.

I guess time will tell if his plan of the 2 year wait will work 😊

Thanks for reading this far and I welcome any opinion you may have.