Lunar New Year is coming up and my family of German/Italian/Philippine descent, is preparing to celebrate honoring my sister-in-law who was adopted from China acknowledging her country and culture of origin. We have celebrated with her for many years and it has been so beautiful to give her things that her birth family would have had they been able to.

A few weeks back a woman I’m not acquainted with made a stink to my mother-in-law about celebrating rituals you don’t believe in and appropriating a culture that is not your own. I do not believe we are participating in the latter since we are very carefully trying to honor where my sister-in-law came from as we have always done.

I lived in India, teaching English, for four years. In that time, I adopted native dress because the students took me more seriously when I did and because the older generation appreciated my effort to respect their culture. During celebrations and when I got engaged to be married, they gave me several saris and expected that I would wear them.

Ten years later, I want to introduce my children to a culture that I loved and deeply respect both through their foods (which are a normal part of our diet), though celebrations like Onam and Diwali and wearing native dress for those celebrations. I have never been accused by my friends in India of disrespecting their culture by participating in these things. Far more often I committed faux pas through ignorance of certain cultural etiquette around other things.

People in the US have made some hurtful and insulting remarks about the morality of celebrating a culture that does not fit my appearance but does reflect my deep love and experience.

It just seems there is a trend of people insisting there is no respectful way to honor a culture you were not born to. Is the problem with people being overly judgmental and not understanding or is there a real moral problem I am failing to see because of my experience?