How do you leave a marriage without feeling guilty?

Question

Yesterday I told my husband that I want to separate. It’s come up before but it never goes anywhere. We always end up trying to work things out. I’m at the point where I’m unhappy. I love him but I just don’t want to be with him anymore. I’m unhappy for many reasons. We have been together for 8 years & started dating when I was just 19. We have grown into very different people & don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. We argue often.  We have 2 kids together ages 6 & 3. I feel guilty for putting my kids through a separation should I go through with it. I also feel guilty for hurting my husband if I decide to leave. Marriage counseling is not an option, he refuses. 
We have built this life together that I’m so scared to tear apart.

Answer

As a stepmom of two kids (and mom of two others) I can see first hand how difficult it is for everyone involved to make everything work. Of course I don’t know your situation and what you have already tried but I definitely think that divorce should be the last resort when there are kids involved. Cause the kids are usually the ones paying the biggest price. 
This is just how I see it for my family but maybe it helps you 😊

Answer

Yes, sadly this is very common…you meet someone when you’re young, you’re happy, you have a lot in common, you think you’re gonna be with this person forever…but as you get older you (both) change, like you said: you become different people. You might not have as much in common with your partner anymore. For example, y’all might argue more.
I understand that it’s hard, you love him, y’all have been together for a long time & you have kids together. A relationship is something you need to work on/put in effort & it definitely shouldn’t be one sided. It doesn’t seem like he’s willing to put in any effort since he refuses to go to counseling…
Seems like a lot of unhappy couples (that should get divorced) stay together just because they have kids & they don’t want to “put them through all of that”. I do understand that ppl don’t want their kids to be sad & they want to put their kids first. But the truth is…if your marriage isn’t good and y’all stay together, it’s probably gonna hurt the kids a lot more than if you get a divorce now. Why: because they’re most likely gonna have to hear/see more arguments (between their parents) growing up if y’all stay together: which can be very traumatic. I’m 17, almost 18…my parents got divorced when I was 2 years old. I don’t remember them getting divorced which I’m so happy about. I’m also happy that they got divorced because I know it wouldn’t have been a good “environment” for me to grow up in (if they had stayed married when I was growing up). 
Your kids are still little. Chances are that it would hurt them a lot more if y’all got divorced later in life, when they’re older, because they’d remember everything (like the divorce, the fights and things like that: which, like I said, can lead to trauma.)
Not only should you get divorced for your kids, but also for yourself. Don’t stay with someone if you’re unhappy with. You only have one life, don’t waste it with someone you’re unhappy with…there are so many people out there. I know it’s hard to start over with someone new: but it’s gonna be worth it.

Answer

If marriage counseling isn’t an option and your husband chooses not to work on your marriage, there’s not much else you can do. Happiness is imperative.

Answer

Been through similar together from young age and then 15 years down the line realised I instead of growing together we grew apart and became different people living a lie..
Yes it’s hard wen kids are involved I know first hand but imagine how hard it is staying knowing they know your not happy and the environment is unsettling, I think I remember telling myself that my kids would be happier because I’m happier and yes it’s damaging tearing a family apart but sometimes you need to free yourself from the guilt of that thought and see in to the future and what a brighter future that looks like… your happy, children are happy and your free from a loveless marriage.
It’s hard and co parenting is hard but you adapt to the new normal and so do the kids and as long as your consistent in their lives and love them, mum and dad not together shouldn’t affect them or how they build relationships in the future. 
Life’s too short to be unhappy.