I just don't know where to turn with my emotions.

I have a counselor but am still learning to open up to her. I'm 18 and was abused most of my life by my parents... I was put into foster care but always given back. I had been living with my parents for a while and it had been a nightmare...

They started demanding rent from me and that I contribute to the household now that I'm 18. I wasn't making much money and my dad started pestering me for rent until he told me I could pay rent a different way and he raped me....

I am finally out of that situation and in a shelter where I'm safe but found out 2 weeks ago I'm pregnant. I live in Oklahoma so there's a near-total abortion ban so my shelter advocate is driving me to Kansas for my abortion. I feel disgusted. That a part of my dad was inside of me and is now growing inside of me.

And plz don't try to talk me out of it. I've made up my mind. I don't want kids. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want this fucking incest baby. I just want to know what I did to deserve the life I was given. I'm emotional about the abortion not because I don't want it but what did I do to deserve to go through this?

Why couldn't my parents love me like real parents? Why is my life this way?