What do you do when one parent wants to vaccinate but the other doesn't? Measles is in our area and my stepdaughter is not vaccinated because mom is anti-vax.

My 11 year old stepdaughter is not vaccinated. Our area is currently seeing more and more measles cases and one of the "exposure sites" is a spot we go to, but thankfully weren't there that day.

My husband's ex is adamant that her daughter is not going to have vaccines. My husband would like his daughter to be vaccinated. She's almost 12 and the only vaccine she ever got was the flu vaccine, which she begged to get last year. Her mom caved and let her get it. My stepdaughter has asked to get the MMR vaccine and her mom has said no and is threatening us saying she'll have my stepdaughter taken away if we vaccinate her.

My stepdaughter wants the vaccine though. We really don't want to go to court, which is what my husband's ex is threatening. She wants sole custody to prevent us from damaging her child. We believe that my stepdaughter should be allowed to choose now that she's old enough.

What do we do? Is there anything that can be done? I think the right thing is to vaccinate, but I also think my stepdaughter is old enough to choose for herself. I would support her either way she chose.

FYI: where we are, only consent from one parent is needed to vaccinate. However, with separated parents this gets complicated because she could argue we violated a custody agreement, even though this is not expressly written in the custody agreement. It's simply "medical decisions may be made jointly or severally".

EDIT: We contacted his lawyer and he said he'd review the custody agreement and get back to us Monday with a phone call. I'll update and let everyone know what happens.

EDIT: Custody agreement reviewed. There is nothing saying anything about not getting our daughter vaccinated (as our lawyer said, "wishes and requests, unless expressly written into the custody agreement, do not have to be followed".) We have documentation that my stepdaughter wants the vaccine. We understand the risks of vaccination and we're getting her vaccinated ASAP.

Mom is very unhappy and spitting venom at us. She told us she's getting a new custody agreement drawn up and that we're violating that. We told her that you can't violate what isn't currently recognized.

I have a feeling we're going to end up in court anyway, but that's ok. My stepdaughter is very mature and she is prepared for the mediation process and we will support her through everything.