We’re married and haven’t had sex in 4 years! I need help to find out why!

My husband and I conceived our daughter back in Dec on 2020. Before that we haven’t have sex since February of 2020. After that we have not had sex since Jan 2024.

I have been stressing to my husband over the years and more recently that I want to have sex with him. My sexual appetite has grown so much and I can’t get anything. At one point I told my husband that I was horny and we talked about it for a little bit. He then said that he would like if I initiate sex sometimes. I have never initiated sex before. I was never comfortable enough to do so. But one day I decided to try it. It was an epic failure. It left me at a place where I never want to initiate again. I told my husband how what happened made me feel. The only thing he said to me was that he is not doing his job due to the fact that I felt the way that I did.

Long story short of what happened, I came on to him, rubbing, kissing, licking. I tried to give him oral sex and he declined me. He then said he had to go to the restroom. He decided me a 3rd time and then allowed me to give it to him after I complained about him not letting me. He gave me a sorry as blow job and a few good pumps. I went to ride him after he got off me, all I got was a hard penis. He did not make a sound, he did not touch me, there was no passion no nothing. I was turned completely off so I got off of him.

I never got to tell him how I felt so I texted it to him. He has not tried to fix anything yet. I told him I was embarrassed and I wanted to know why he doesn’t want to touch me. I need to know.

I love my husband and I want to be with him. But I really need some affection. We used to have sex all the time. I’m not sure why he won’t touch me. All he tells me is that there is nothing wrong. He is a mail carrier and I know that can be hard on the body. But to never get sex is crazy. My drive is so high I need another human to fulfill my needs. A toy can’t do it anymore. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on my situation.

UPDATE: We did start couples therapy yesterday. We will see where this goes. He said that he does not want to separate and he says he’s not going anywhere. He also said that he is tired and stressed at times. If I didn’t mention already, he is a mail carrier and I know that can be stressful and exhausting. But for me that still is not telling what the real issues are. If he has a low drive I need him to tell me. If he’s not attracted, I need to hear that. I just want answers without having to go through his personal devices. I am hoping therapy can help bring out what he’s hiding.

UPDATE 2#: This son of a bitch is fucking and paying for Hoes!!! I checked his phone tonight and saw hundreds of messages.