*TW* was I r@p3d?

I am 31. This happened when I was 13. It happened on a few occasions.

I had a best friend. Last time I ever had a female friend that I was completely myself around. We were friends since we were 10. Almost inseparable. When I was 13, I stayed all night at her house and we were sitting outside. She lived with her grandmother in the apartment on the lower floor, and her uncle and aunt and their kids lived on the second floor. Her step cousin comes home and he goes upstairs. He hangs his head out of the window and asks her to ask me if I’ll have sex with him. He is 19 or 20 years old. I said no multiple times. I didn’t even know him. Eventually I said yes. I was a virgin obviously. Never done anything other than when I was 3, my at the time 10 year old cousin messed with me when I was 3 a couple times, but never did anything that would get him caught. So, I never really did anything.

There is a garage in front of the lower apartment.

He met me in the garage. It was gross. I was uncomfortable. He started and it hurt really bad, and I tried to push him off me. But he said wait. And I just laid there on the cold garage floor.

My mom found out. I didn’t want my friend mad at me. My mom forced me to go to the cops. I kept blaming myself saying it was my choice. I was a fat preteen, and not cute at all. I overheard the cops laughing at me in the next room after I told them I wanted to do it. My friend still quit talking to me. After my mom had me speak with the police, I went to school and she ignored me other than told me her aunt said she can’t talk to me anymore. It hurt so bad. I went through a really bad depression period as well as dealt with SH addiction after all this. Including multiple behavioral health hospital stays. I shut down. I barely talked to anyone up until about a year after I graduated.

The cops called me several years later wanting to know if I wanted to proceed with pressing charges. I was engaged to someone and didn’t want to deal with it. Now I’m 31, and I really wish I did. Am I wrong for wishing I did? Was that even r@p3 since I eventually gave in?