Kissing someone after a breakup…Feeling guilty

So I ended my 2 year (almost 3) relationship with my partner because things were no good. We were supposed to be changing our bad behaviors but I had been waiting for change for the past almost 3 years and it never came. On top of that, there were a lot of things that happened in the relationship that i felt i needed to step away in order to heal from them because i just wasn’t forgiving and i wasn’t healing properly while with them and it just became a continuous cycle of mental and emotional trauma. Also I just felt disconnected. I felt so much hurt that I literally just was physically in the relationship but mentally and emotionally, i was somewhere far gone. and that’s why i decided to step away because if we were ever going to get back together, i needed to work on myself and i advised them to do the same. I felt like things were never going to change if we didn’t put in the work within ourselves first. We tried to do it while together hut it never worked. So i felt the next best thing was to break up and do it individually. They did not want to break up. it wasn’t a mutual decision. But I did what I felt was best for me at that time.

Well, it’s been about a month now since we’ve broken up and we’ve had very minimal contact. i allowed them

to still come around for the family birthdays because i know how much my family means to them. of course i’m still going through all the emotions of whether or not i made the right choice and if i want to consider us getting back together. However, two days ago, I was taking a friend some food and we ended up hanging out and we kissed. This person then tried to take things a step further and have sex with me but i continuously pushed them away because i did not want to. I was only willing to kiss and that’s it. This person then proceeded to lift my shirt and suck on my chest and trying to force my hand to touch his private area but again i pushed him off because i did not want to do that at all. i participated in the kissing but i was extremely uncomfortable with the sexual parts. To be quite honest, Im not even very attracted to that person…I think i just engaged in the kissing because i was seeking some sort of connection. connection that i had been missing for so so long. anyway, I did not like it at all. it did nothing but make me feel horrible afterwards. now i feel extremely guilty and confused about it. not in a “i cheated on them” type of guilty but just like an “i feel extremely dirty and i should never consider getting back together bc i don’t deserve them” kind of guilty. i think because i did not like it at all and it just should’ve never happened. i know that if my ex knew they’d be extremely hurt. to make matters worse is that they have met this person before (they aren’t friends, they barely see each other but when they do if they are both at a family gathering it’s just a hi, bye….i dont even think they know each others names honestly thats how rare they are ever around each other) I also feel guilty because this just honestly was not supposed to happen. I did not go there with any intention of kissing this person. I don’t want to be with anyone else right now. Especially not them. They are just my moms best friends son. I have absolutely no feelings for this person. They kissed me and i allowed it. But I felt so gross afterwards. especially with the unwanted touching and caressing. It also didn’t help that i was slightly intoxicated. it’s just all a mess. And i think this whole thing just further confused me. I could barely complete my work day today because i kept having to excuse myself to have a breakdown in the bathroom. i just can’t even count the amount of times i’ve cried over this. I also let that guy know that I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to do all the things he was pushing onto me and he just turned strangely aggressive and salty …typical guy shit 😐

I had been reconsidering working things out with my ex maybe in a few months after I complete some more healing and regularly attending my therapy sessions, but now i’m not so sure because i just feel so bad about this entire thing. Does anyone know why I may be feeling guilty about this?? If we do decide to eventually work things out Should i tell my ex what happened??