I don’t know how to feel.

We have a long complicated history kinda. We met and started hanging out in in 2021 but we never officially said we’re in a relationship bc he didn’t like that we would fight. And all I wanted was to go on dates and be in a relationship. The reason we fought was bc he wouldn’t take me out on dates and we wouldn’t move forward to boyfriend and girlfriend. We always stayed inside and nobody knew we were seeing eachother and I didn’t like that so I pretty much picked fight after fight bc of it. September 2023 was the last time I seen him bc i was fed up. Well last Friday we went out (idk if it was supposed to be a date or not) now I’m nothing but sad again. Crying and overthinking. Anxious and worried. I just keep crying and anxious. I feel it was a huge mistake seeing him again. I feel like we won’t be in relationship and I’ll never be happy with him bc I feel he won’t treat me how I need/want from a partner.