He cheated, im so heartbroken

Im so sad not only did he cheat on me but he sexually assaulted the girl his friend was talking to. His friend and 3 other guys came to jump him while I was there. I feel so embarrassed, I can’t believe I trusted this guy. He said he was mad at me and under the influence and that he fucked up hes sorry but I dont think im ever going to forgive this. I broke up with him but he’s still around since we live together and i’m his surety. I do so much for him and this is how he treats me in return.

I have depression and anxiety, some personality disorder traits so this is just making me spiral. I dont want to be here anymore, my heart is broken in so many pieces. I told him to never hurt me like this and he did. This is the worst thing anyone has ever done to me, even the times I’ve been raped were less hurtful than this.

Im waiting on my results from my colposcopy and i really hope they’re positive and that i have cancer so i can just die already. no one loves me or cares about me. i dont matter anyways. people always neglect me and dont listen to me, i know for a fact no one will notice when i even die. i never even wanted to live this long anyways.