I look at old pictures and get lost in the memories. Life was so much easier and better. I was your backbone and I was the person you leaned on for help. We had a home and our baby and we opened our store together.

You opened up and you talked to me about life and if something bothered you, we spoke about it.

Now, it’s quite the opposite. You look at me with so much spite. I tell you about our ‘problems’ and it’s always, “there you go again starting another fight” you think everything is ok but it’s not. I’m not allowed to talk to you about anything. I look the other way and you say, “there’s that mad face again.”

If only you knew how afraid I am going into public faces because I’m afraid I might have that ‘mad face’

I remember the good days but these bad ones, I seem to not be able to get out of my head. I dissociate to the point where I don’t even feel real. I feel like I’m this walking zombie that can’t wake up out of this stupid reality in my head that thinks I’m the bad guy and I replay each moment over and over again.

I knew from the beginning that you shouldn’t have allowed your family to help out with the store. That’s where it all went wrong. Now everything has to be on her time. She literally thinks she owns it and she’s above me.

You treat her like she’s above me. We see her almost every day. When I’m talking to you, you talk to her instead and I’m throw to the side.

She’s very rude towards me and I mention that to you numerous times but that is ‘starting a fight’ to you.

Today she put my baby on her back (which you know I don’t like her baby wearing him) and went outside and walked pass me without even telling me where she was going and I told you and I was the problem. I’m the problematic one.

Today we went to eat with everyone and your brother said what do I think about the store and I answered, “that hasn’t been my store for quite a while” just for you to say out loud, “she knows her place”

Excuse me? What does that even mean?

Every. Single. Day. You are with your family (mom, cousins and brothers) and I’m not suppose to be mad.

I don’t get no time with you. And your excuse is “we have kids”

You spend every day fishing with your family and every night playing basketball with them. (10:00 pm- 2:00 am) and I’m not aloud to be mad.

I lashed out today because you went to play basketball and you said, “what else do you want I got you food!” (We were getting home from out of town 2 hrs away and he picked us up food)

I shouldn’t have to BEG you to stay with me, BEG you for your attention, BEG you to want me——

It hurts when you are all the time inviting people to our house (your family— which again, everyday. I’m an introvert) seeing you talk to them and laugh when you ignore me.

You all the time talk to them through voice message on messenger every second and it hurts. You don’t communicate with me and you don’t see the problem! Answering your cousins jokingly saying “mi amor’ when I’m around….

Every vacation his family has to go with us and he gets mad when I say, “let’s go without them and make it about our family”

I want so badly for it to work out… I want so badly for someone to put me first and my kids. Enough with the teenage man. I want a husband. I want to feel loved and cherished. But how??? How do I let go of someone who’s the father of my kids and someone who I adored?

😭😭😭😭

He makes me feel ugly. He makes me feel like crap and that I would better be off not existing. He says all the time *jokingly* he is going to buy a brand new house and I can live in our old one and he isn’t taking (mommy— talking to the kids) to his new house 💔