Wearing a mask at work

I work in healthcare and when I started a year ago, masks were required. Now they are optional. A lot of people will wear them when they do direct patient care, but I wear it 24/7. I wear it when I get out of my car, walking into work all the way until I get in my car to leave. I’m sure people think it’s odd because I am the only one who does this, but must think I’m a germaphobe or something.

Truth is, I am too insecure to show my actual face. I really need to get over this because it feels awful. I have gorgeous eyes and hair, so I know people must think I’m pretty…. But my jaw is square and my nose isn’t symmetrical so I just know I’d look really shocking to people if I took the mask off.

I don’t know how to get over this. It’s getting really bad. I’ve worked with these people over a year now and no one knows what I look like. I always say I’m gonna try tomorrow, but end up not doing it. And since it’s gone on for so long, I just made it even worse for myself because people are going to point it out. I’m gonna look shocking no matter what, but my BDD is gonna tell my brain that they’re making comments bc they think I’m ugly.

I hit a breaking point when a really obnoxious patient starting begging me to take my mask down in front of all my coworkers because he “wanted to see my pretty face.” I know my face isn’t pretty, it’s just my eyes. I felt my body go red and I was mortified bc everyone was watching and probably wondering if I’d take it down. No one has said anything to me but I’m sure that’s what they were thinking. It felt so awkward and I felt really harassed by this patient. I started tearing up.

I want to just be confident and not care about what I look like so much. I look in the mirror and feel like an alien. I hope someone can help me :(