Do you argue more when sick?

People tell us regularly that we have an idealistic marriage. What we don't do is air our dirty laundry out and we try. Our struggles are actually me. I have a few health conditions that are very serious and we take seriously but when I get sick I get SICK. As a stay at home mom with three young kids I need some advice. My husband and me argue bad during these times. We don't do it in front of the children we don't name call but we do bicker and yell when the kids go to bed. This is a huge pattern.

It stems from my husband not helping enough. Or things like him not keeping kids on schedule feeding them or basic stuff. Resulting in me doing things I'm not supposed to and being upset.

I get my husband won't do things like how I do them but he will just not get up with them in the morning or not get them a meal or snacks or water. Then they come to me for their needs.

If I communicate I'm getting overwhelmed my husband will just walk away from me.

My husband works hard to provide for us but he also has his fun and his own time sports friends time and time to do projects without kids. Luxury I do not have. He is by no means a bad parent he just does get a reprieve I don't.

I'm really shutting down mentally when I'm in this state. Physically because of my health and mentally with my marriage around my health. To be fair when we got married I was not well when we planned our life together I was not well infact I was much much much sicker and even in a nursing home once. So this isn't something new to our relationship or to our family.

I don't know what to do. We don't even date because of the cost. He doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because he feels we do talk about things. I'm just not sure where to go. This situation isn't going away and it's not a normal one.

Advice from doctors is my body needs more rest then I am getting and it's almost impossible feat with even my husband home. I can't take any medication breastfeeding. I do some therapies but it's a challenge with small children most won't see me because they won't allow me to bring my kids. I'm just always being told I need to rest more. My husband and I agree I'm doing everything that I can do at this time given the children's needs and the costs of some treatments. He agrees I need to rest more. Just so everyone knows we do see eye to eye on that.